Ask Maxy

Dear Maxy,

For the past year , my wife "Janie" has been getting hot flashes . She is always broiling in the house while the rest of the family freezes . She insits on keeping the temperature at 70 , while the rest of us are most comfortable at 74 . She recently purchased warm slippers for everyone  and suggested we wear long sleeves.

I like to wear t-shirts and walk barefoot . I work long hours , and when I come home , I like to shed most of my clothes . I pay the mortgage and should not be freezing in my own home . Our family doctor said the hot flashes would last for years . I say she is disrespectful to all of us . She says I am insensitive . We are at an impasse.

I found out she is looking for an apartment . I love my wife  and beg you to help us before it's too late.

Jim

Dear Jim ,

You think you're uncomfortab le ? Imagine how your wife feels with an internal thermostat that periodically sets her on fire . The U.S. Dept. of Energy recommends that your home thermostat be set at 68 degrees in winter (78 degrees in summer) You can warn up more easily than your wife can cool down .

I recommend a compromise . You offer to be comfortable in sweats if she will speak to her doctor about medication to control her hot flashes or visit a health food store for more natural remedies . A pair of slippers and some hot cocoa seems a small price to pay to save your marriage .

Maxy

Dear  Maxy,

My mother has three brothers . My grandmother's eyes are blue  and my grandfather's are blue-gray . My mother and two of her brothers have brown eyes .

From my college biology class and some Internet rsearch , I understand this is genetically impossible .This leads me to believe my mother and uncles may not be my grandfather's children . I also know my grandmother had many miscarriages  and a stillborn . My grandparents  also have marital issues and have come close to divorcing on a few ocasions . Should I speak to my mother about this ? I'd like to know my biological family .

Brown- Eyed 

Dear Brown-eyed,

Eye color is very complicated . While not common , it is indeed possible for blue-eyed parents to produce brown-eyed children . And if your grandparents carry a mutation , it would make sense that more than one child would have brown eyes . If you are concerned that your genetic background is inaccurate , speak to your mother .

So please don't jump to any conclusions , remember a little knowledge without understanding is a very dangerous thing if not use correctly .

Dear Maxy,

My husband and I both work and make good incomes . He has two daughters , now aged 16 and 19 , and I have been their stepmom for nearly 12 years , I love them dearly .

Last Christmas each chil received nearly $400 in cash gifts from extended family . A week later both girls saw jackets they wanted . I said we would pay half and they could use some of their Christmas money to contribute the other half . One chose to but $140 jacket . The other decided not to but anything .

My husband was irked that I required them to pay half . He perfers that they have minimal financial pressure  so they can concentrate all their time on schoolwork  and not worry about getting a job . What do you think ?

Stepmom

Dear Stepmom,

I've got your back on this one . It's n ot as if the girls needed the money to buy food . Asking them to help pay for nonessential luxury items , expecially when they have plenty of cash to do so , teaches them something about financial responsibility and delayed gratification . Over-indulgence , no matter how tempting , may make the parents feel good , but it can cripple the children in the long run.
Maxy