Kids Say The Darndest Things

Here's a peek into how youngsters would change their parents if they had a magic wand and could say "Presto!...Change!" :
** "I'd make them both my size . I don't like  big people ."
** "I'd them both sweet and rich."
** "I'd change my mother and make her skinny in the right places."
** "I'd changed my dad into a dog and my mom into a cow,"
The teacher was startled and asked "Why?"
** Because I like dogs and cows," was the laconic answer .

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The teacher asked ,"What echoed through your home when the first of the month comes around around?"
Question ..."What your dad's main complaint ?"
Answer ... "My mom's always asking for money."
Question ... "What's your mom main complaint ?"
Answer ... "Dad never gives her any ."
One kid's offhand way of summing up a complete family problem :
Seven-year-old admitted : "My mother talks most at our house ."
Question ... "What does your dad do when he can't get a word in edgewise ?"
Answer ... "He gets up and go to bed."

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Here's a double measure of assorted reports on how Dad met Mom and Mom got Dad ;
My daddy and mommy met on a cloud over Los Angeles ?
*** Then what happen ?
I was born on another cloud .
*** How did you get down here ?
I came down with a raindrop and they had a double parachute .

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My folks met in a  night club.
*** What was your father doing?
He was a bartender .
*** And your mother ?
She was attending a PTA meeting .

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My folks were cousins in Massachusetts , but when they came out to California they had to get married . There's some sort of law out here .
*** What kind of law ?
How am I supposed to know ? I was just a baby when they go married .

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One little boy remarked that they had a brand new Daddy around the house . The teacher if he knew how his mother met him , he said a real Whizzer :
***"It all happened one morning when the doorbell rang while Mommy was taking her bath. "My sister went to the door ," he finally continued , "and there was a strange man standing there . He said he'd like to see my mother . So sister let him !" and the rest is history."

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The fertile minds of the children play with fragments of truth , putting them together in strange , new patterns that must make mincemeat out of the nerves of their parents .
*** What does your mother do ?
"On Monday my mom cleans the whole house from top to bottom ."
*** What do she do the rest of the week ?"
"Oh , she just sits around , smokes cigarettes and plays canasta ."
*** What does your mother do ?"
"She's kind of a housewife .
*** What kind ?
The lazy kind .
*** When does your mother look prettiest ?
When she's going to meet people she doesn't know too good .
*** And when does she look her worst ?
Around the house in her ragged old nightgown .
*** How old is your mother ?
She says she's thrity , but my dad told me she's really thirty-six .
*** Does your mother work for a living ?
No . She's a private secretary .
*** That sounds like some kind of job .
All I know is that she works for a slave driver down at the Fisher Building .
**** What does your mother do ?
My mother used to sing on television .
*** Doesn't she do it anymore ?
Less and less everyday.
*** Why ?
Because everyday she gets more and more pregnant .