Dear Maxy ,
I have been married for six months and am crazy for my hubby. He has back problems and some sexual issues that keep us from being intimate . At least, those are the excuses he uses for the fact that we don't touch like we used to .
I recently came across some love notes to an ex-girlfriend saying how they are going to be happy growing old together and how much he loves her. I pay his child support and love his kids like my own . He says he love me, but I have doubts that he is being honest . He is constantly texting and emailing and never puts his phone down . He acts like he's afraid I will look at it .
I've been hurt before by lies and don't want to go through it again. What do I do ?
Scared and Lonely
Dear Scared ,
Were these recent love letters or old ones that you happened to find? If they are old try to ignore them . He married you, not his ex-girlfriend .
If they are recent, however, it could be serious, especially when combined with constant and secretive texting, calling and emailing .
Married partners owe it to each other to be open and honest . Talk to your husband . If his answers don't reassure you, the next step is counseling .
Dear Maxy ,
I recieved a last-minute phone call on New Years Eve from a female friend, saying she wanted to be my date to celebrate the new year . I was slow to answer her request because she just broke up with her boyfriend of three years .
I finally answered her by saying I was invited to a friend's house for a private New Year's party . I felt kind of bad because I could have, easily, asked my friend if I could bring a date for the evening but I didn't . Do you think I was wrong for saying no ?
Dear Happy ,
In a word, no . It would be one thing if your friend's call had not come at the last minute . The fact that she reached out to you so late for such a major occasion means that she knew there was a good chance you wouldn't be able to do it . She took a chance in asking you. It's good you responed to her, if only to say that it wouldn't work out .
If you would like to support her during this tender time after her breakup, reach out to her now and invite her for coffee or something similar . But there is no need to rehash New Year's Eve. That is in the past .
Dear Maxy ,
How do you deal with an absentee father? I cannot believe this man forgot his son's third birthday . There was no phone call, no text and no email from this man . I was fortunate enough to have my family around and we had a good time .
My son's father finally called me to say he forgot the birthday . This is the second year in a row that he was not around . How do I express my displeasure .
Dear Mama Drama ,
Especially since your son's father is not in your son's life everyday, it's important for you to support and nurture their relationship .
You can call and let him know that you were terribly disappointed that he forgot . But don't beat him up about it . Instead, tell him that you will help him remember next year. In this way, he won't feel as if you're constantly testing him . Also do your best to make him feel included . Tell him what you will be doing for the birthday and invite him to participate . This should help him choose to pay closer attention .