The Truth About Life

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED


# No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.


# When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.


# If your sister hits you, don't hit her back.


# They always catch the second person.


# Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.


# You can't trust dogs to watch your food.


# Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.


# Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac.


# Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time.


# School lunches stick to the wall.


# You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.


# Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.


# The best place to be when you are sad is in Grandma's lap.

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED


# Raising teenagers is like nailing JELLO to a tree.


# There is always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.


# One reason to smile is that every seven minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.


# The best way to keep kids at home is to make the home a pleasant atmosphere... and let the air out of their tires.


# Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly car payment is due.


# Families are like fudge .. mostly sweet with a few nuts.


# Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.


# Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.


# My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.


# If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts.


# You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you're down there.