Kids Say The Darndest Things

 A kindergarten student told his teacher he'd foung a cat , but it was dead ."how you know that the cat was dead ?" she asked her student . "Because I pissed in  its ear and he didn't move," answered the child innocently . "You did  WHAT?!?!?!" the teacher yelled in shock . "You know."  said the boy , "I leaned over and went "Pssst !" and it didn't move ."

A mother and her young son returned fron the grocery store and began putting away the groceries  . The boy open the box of animal crackers and spread them all over the table . "What are you doing ?" his mother asked . "The box says not to eat them if the seal was broken" the boy explained . "I'm looking for the seal."

On e day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class . She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer . She read,  ... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said , "The sky is falling , the sky is falling !" The teacher paused then asked the class , "And what do you think the farmer said ?" One little girl raised her hand and said , "I think he said : Holy Shit ! A talking chicken  !"

A mother was preparing pancakes for her son s , Kevin, 5, and Ryan,3 . The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake  . Theie mother saw the opportunity foe a moral lesson . "If Jesus were sitting here  , He would say , 'Let my brother hav e the first pancake , I can wait." Kevin turned to his younger brother  and said , "Ryan , you be Jesus ."

A father was at the beach with his children when his four-year=old son ran up to him , grabbed his hand , and lead him to the shore , where a seagull lay dead in the sand . "Daddy , what happen to him ?" the son asked . "He died and went to Heaven ," the dad replied . The boy thought a moment and then said , "Did God throw him back down ?"

When I was six months pregnant with my second child , my  four-year-old came into the room when I was getting ready to get into the shower . She said , Mommy, you are getting fat !" I replied , Yes , honey , remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy ."     "I know she replied  , but what's growing in your butt ?"

Several years ago , I returned home from a trip  just when a storm  hit , with crashing thunder and severe lighting . As I came into the  my bedroom about 2:a.m. , I found my two children in bed with my wife  , apparently scared by the loud storm . I resigned myself to sleep in the guest bedroom  that night  . The next day I talked to the children , and explained that it was O.K. to sleep with Mom  when the storm was bad , but  when I am expected home , please don't sleep with Mom that night . They said OK . After my next trip several weeks later , my wife and the children picked me up in the terminal at the appointed time . Since the plane was late , everyone had come into the terminal to wait for my planes arrival , along with hunderds of other folks  waiting for their arriving passengers . As I entered the waiting aera , my son saw me , and came running shouting , "Hi, Dad ! I;ve got some goods news !" As I waved back , I said loudly ,"What's the good news ?" My son shouted very excitedly , "Nobody slept with Mom while you were away this time !"

A physician and her four-year-old daughter  were in the car on the way to preschool . The doctor/mother had left her stethoscope on  the car seat , and the little girl picked it up and began playing with it  . "Be still , my heart," thought the mother , "my daughter wants to follow in my footsteps !" Then the girl spoke into the instrument "Welcome to McDonalds . May I take your order ?"

A father was reading the Bible to his young son . He read   , "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out out of the city , but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." His son asked , "What happen to the flea ?"

Teacher : George Washington not only chopped down his fathers' cherry tree , but also admitted it . Now, Louis , do you kn ow why his father didn't punish him?

Louis : Because George still had the ax in his hand.

Teacher : Clyde , your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brothers' . Did you copy his ?

Clyde : No , teacher , it's the same dog .

Teacher : Harold , what do you call a person who keeps on  talking when people are no longer interested ?

Harold : A teacher.

Teacher : Cindy , why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor ?

Cindy : You told me to do it without using tables !

Teacher : Now , Sam , tell me frankly , do you say prayers before eating ?

Sam: No sir , I don't have to , my Mom is a good cook.