Kids Say The Darndest Things

 

A teacher was doing a study testing the senses of first graders , using a bowl of lifesavers  , The children began to say  :

              "Red ..........................Cherry"

              "Yellow .....................Lemon"

              "Green.......................Lime"

              "Orange....................Orange "

Finally the teacher gave them all honey lifesavers . After eating them  none ot the children could identify the taste . "Well," she said , "I'll give you all a clue , it's what  your mother sometimes  calls your father ." One little girl looked up in horror , spit her lifesaver out and yelled : "Oh My God !!!! They're assholes .

A little girl was asking her teacher about whales . The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a large mammal its throat was very small . The girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale  . Irritated , the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human ; it was physically impossible  . The little girl said  , "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah ." The teacher asked , "What if Jonah went to hell?" The little girl replied , "Then you ask him ."

A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing . She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work . As she got to one little girl who was  working diligently , she asked what the drawing was . The girl replied , I'm drawing God ." The teacher paused and said , "But no one knows what God looks like ." Without missing a beat , or looking up from her drawing , the girl replied , "They will in a minute."

the children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch . At the head of the table was a pile of apples . The nun made a note , and posted on the apple tray : "Take only  ONE . God is watching ." moving further along the lunch line  , at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies . A chhild had written a note , "Take all you want , God is watching the apples."

On class photo day , after the children had all been photographed  , the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture . "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up ans say , 'There's Jennifer , she's a lawyer ,'or 'that's Michael , he's a doctor ." A small voice from the back of the room rang out  , "And there 's the teacher , he's dead ."

One Sunday morning , the pastor noticed little Alex standing in the foyer of the church staring up at a plaque  . It was covered  with names and small American flags mounted on each side of it . The six-year-old had been staring at the plaque for some time  , so the pastor walked up , stood beside the little boy , and said quietly . 'Good morning Alex .'  "Good morning pastor,' he replied , still focused on the plaque .'Pastor what is this ?' The pastor said , 'Well son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service .' Soberly , they stood together  , staring at the large plaque  . Finally , little Alex's v oice , barely audible and trembling with fear asked , 'Which service , the 8:30 or the 9:45 ?'