Ask Maxy

Dear Maxy,

My girlfriend and I have been together for nine months. She wants me to meet her parents , and I feel uneasy . Her family seems wealthy, and I come from a middle-class family  raised by a single parent . They have a "Cosby"-like group; everyone is educated, and her parents are still together .

My girlfriend is getting her master's, and I am a firefighter who didn't go to college. I don't  want her family to look down on me  because of my career path. Furthermore, I don't want to be uncomfortable  when I visit them. I want to make a good impression . What advice can you share ? I love this girl .

Edward ... Austin, Texas

Dear Edward ,

Start off by remembering that your girlfriend loves you. That  is the most important  thing  for you to know. Talk to her about her family. Find out what they appreciate. Ask your girlfriend  what would  be an appropriate  gift to bring her  mother, in particular. If she likes a certain type of flower, a bouquet of those would be great. If she's in to reading, select a book in her topic area of choice. Find out her favorite color, and buy her a scarf  Basically work with your girlfriend  to identify a token of appreciation for her mother that would appeal to her.

Don't forget to stay centered. Don't be  ashamed  to talk about your upbringing. Share some highlights about your life, and don't compare your experience to theirs. You are doing honorable work. Don't forget that.

Maxy

Dear  Maxy ,

Two of my daughter's friends are joining us in planning a party for her 30th birthday . The invitation they printed states: "Please bring $37 cash per person for the meal. Alcoholic beverages will be an additional cost. Following dinner there will be a party at one of the local bars which will require more money for drinks."

I have always been under the impression that the hosts pay for the party. I told the other two hosts that if I ever received an invitation like that, I would not attend. Am I just old-fashioned ? Is this the way things are done now ?

Confused Mother

Dear Confused Mother ,

The hosts should pay for the party. Other wise, they are setting a price for the others without consulting them, which is rude  and inconsiderate. Unfortunately, many young people are unaware of this custom  and see no reason  to follow it .  I recommend you bow out .

Maxy

Dear Maxy ,

I hung out with a colleague at a conference and noticed that she had BO. Well, I didn't notice it at first, but as the day wore on and we went from event to event, there was no question about it. I wonder if she wears deodorant. It was offensive by day's end, but honestly, I have no idea  what I should do about it . I mean, do you say something to someone about the way they smell? I don't have a clue about how to go about this . Can you help me ?

Mary -- Miami, Fla.

Dear Mary ,

I would say in this case, keep your mouth shut. You could be right she doesn't wear  deodorant. Not everyone does. Or she may wear a natural product that wears away over time. Whatever the case, it doesn't sound as if it's unbearable for you to be around her, so keep your thoughts to yourself.

People have different hygiene practices, and she may not be as sensitive to body odor as you are. Leave her be. If it bothers you, just don't position yourself close to her .

Maxy