Kids Say The Darndest Things 'Free For All'

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Maxy would like to share with you some of the funny things he heard kids say this past week ...

*** A tiny Sunday school pupil who had listened wide-eyed to the teacher talking about a Bible lesson that included the quotation about "from dust thou art and to dust thou shalt return." Rushing home from the meeting , he peeked under his bed and then went running to his mother .

"Mama is it true we're dust before we're born ?"

*** "Of course ," Mother replaied in a puzzled tone . "Why."

"Well come up and look under my bed , quick! Somebody's either coming or going !"

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*** A little boy was atanding on the sidewalk watching the milkman's horse intently . When the driver finally returned from his errands , the youngster inquired ;

"Do you have much farther to go today ?" "Well you ain't going far ," the boy announced . "Your horse just lost all his gasoline."

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A six-year old girl recieved a wrist watch and a bottle of perfume for her birthday . All day long she kept showing everyone her presents , until finally her mother said ;

*** Honey , I know that you are proud of your gifts , but you're bothering everybody with them . You may sit at the dinner table with your guests tonight only if you promise not to mention the watch or perfume even once ."

*** The little girl promised. All through dinner she sat wordless , but from time to time sniffing audibly , and at frequent intervals raising her left wrist to her ear to catch the sound of the ticking . Nobobdy paid her any attention . Finally in desperation , as the meal came to a end , she blunted out ;

"I'm not supposed to mention it , but if anybody hears anything , or smells anything , it's me ."

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*** Little Ruthie ran into the house in a feverish state of excitement .

"Oh mother!" she cried , "our pussy-cat has got some kittens and I didn't even know she was married ."

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*** Did you take a Bath last night ?

"Nope."

*** Why not ?

"Because I'm saving the soap for my dad. He's the dirty one in our family."

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*** How are you going to be a better boy during the coming year ?

"Obey everyone in my family except my Aunt Freda .

*** Why not her ?

" cause she just causes trouble and starts fights .

*** How old is she ?

"Eight."

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"My dad's a lawyer."

*** Does he put people in jail ?

" No , he's on the innocent side ."

**8 I suppose you want to be a lawyer .

"No , a cop , so I can put my daddy in jail."

*** Why would you do a thing like that ?

"He spanked me last night ."

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"My dad's as busy as a beaver .

*** That's an interesting figure of speech .Do you what that means ?

"Well , you know how beavers are always cutting down trees with there teeth ..."

*** Is that what your Daddy does ?

"Oh , he's not really a beaver . Besides , he has false teeth .

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*** So , your dad's a fireman . Does he tell you any interesting stories ?

"The most excitement is right at the fire station .

*** What happened there ?

"A fireman heard the bell , jumped out the bed , pullrd on his pants , slid down the pole upside down , and knocked himself out when he hit the bottom ."

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"My mom told me not to tell any of the family secrets , like the time she dyed her hair blonde and it came out purple .

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"My momma said to keep her condition a big secret . And the funny thing is , I don't even know what a secret is . She just keep getting fatter and fatter every week ."

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My Daddy told me not to raise my eyebrows , not to laugh to loud , and no matter where it itches , don't scatch anywhere !"