Ask Maxy

Dear Maxy ,

My 10-year-old daughter constantly asks me to buy things for her . I have always been generous , but she's getting out of control . She wants to go shopping every weekend . She sees something she wants and frets if I don't buy it . I don't want her to become so greedy . How can I curb this behavior ?

Worried Mom

Dear Worried Mom .

This is what is called a teachable moment . While you may get attitude from your daughter for awhile , the solution is actually quite simple . Stop buying her stuff every week or every time she asks . If she whines , so what ?

Explain that you love her and are happy to purchase things for her sometimes but that she should scale back her shopping expectations . Establish times when you will shop for her ; for a special event , for holidays and birthday gifts , for accasional treats .

Give her a weekly allowance . Have her save part of it , and give her permission to spend part of it on herself . This will teach her how quickly money goes if you don't hold onto it .

Maxy

Dear Maxy,

Invitations already have gone out for a graduation party for my granddaughter . She lives across country , and it will cost me $500 to travel there . I do not have a lot of money , but I promised I would give her $500 when she received her diploma .

There is now a good chance she won't pass one required subject and will have to go to summer school . I indicated that if she does not achieve her goals by the first of June , I will not go through the expense of coming to the party . I will , however give her the promised gift once she gets her diploma .

I'm sure my absence will raise questions and possibly cause resentment from her parents . Do you think I should go through the travel expense and attend the party ?

Grandmother

Dear Grandmother ,

If you consider the party to be a celebration of her diploma , rather than the four years she spent completing high school , you should not go . The parents will likely tell those who question your absence that it was too great an expense or inconvenience . However , if you would feel bad and later question your decision , you may as well attend . Consider the party an "early" graduation celebration , since your generous gift will undoubtedly provide an incentive for her to finish .

Maxy

Dear Maxy ,

I am a high school teacher , but I look young enough to be a student . I think that because of this , lots of students treat me like I am their friend , not their teacher .

I like to think I am a progressive teacher , and I love my students and want them to feel comfortable with me .But I also want them to respect me and remember that there are boundaries between us as students and teachers that are not the same as between friends . How do I tell my students this ?

Looking Young

Dear Looking Young ,

It is possible for you to have a congenial relationship with your students that remains professional . Regarding your appearance , you may want to change your style of dress . Instead of wearing casual clothing (if you do) , wear professional attire . That will make you look more mature and will say to the students that you mean business . I advocate for all teachers to dress professionally no matter what their age , because it shows students to respect you and the boundaries you have created . That means acknowledging them when they behave appropriately and making them suffer consequences when they don't . Let them know what boundaries are and how they should talk to you and one another . Over time , if you enforce your rules , they will follow .

Maxy