Ask Maxy

MAXY TAKES A WALK ON THE LIGHTER SIDE

Dear Maxy ,

I have heard there are five secrets to a great relationship ... do you happen to know what they are ?

Grace  ..Baltimore

Dear Grace,

As a matter of fact I do .

1) It is important  to find a man who works around the house , occasionally cooks , cleans and has a good job.

2) It is important to find a man  who  makes you laugh .

3) It is important to find a man who is dependable , respectful and doesn't lie .

4) It is important to find a man who's good in bed and loves to have sex with you.

5) It is most important that these four men never meet !

Maxy

Dear Maxy ,

Oh joy ! ... I have such great news  ... my boyfriend  Horatio just told me that he's ready to make a commitment .

Edna  .. Jacksonville

Dear Edna,

Don't get carried away my dear ...when a guy says he wants to make a commitment  it usually mean he's sick of  masturbation .

Maxy

Dear Maxy ,

Oh wise one , I just can't figure out men, what are they really like ?

Carla

Dear Carla,

Well let me put it  like this : Men are like coffee ...the best ones are rich , warm , full-bodied and can keep you up all night long ...men are also like  mascara ...they usually run at the first sign of emotion.

Maxy

Dear Maxy,

What do you think of all the  sex they are having on  television these days  ?

Paula ... Petaluma

Dear Paula ,

I think having sex on a television would be uncomfortable  ... I much perfer a bed  , or even a mattress on the floor, but I get ' to each his own' .

Maxy

Dear Maxy ,

My boyfriend Alphonse lies to me , cheats on me  and stays out  drinking with his buddies, I'm at my wits' end . Why  were men given larger brains than dogs ?

Ola Mae

Dear Ola Mae ,

Simple my dear , so they won't hump women legs at cocktail parties .

Maxy

Dear Maxy ,

I'm about to get married  and I'm afraid to admit it but I don't know much about sex ! Can you fill me in ?

Daniel

Dear Daniel,

There are five kinds of sex :

1) Sunny sex , this happens during the honeymoon  period when you both keep doing it  until you are blue in the face.

2) The kitchen sex , this is the beginning of the marriage, you'll have sex anywhere , anytime, even in the kitchen.

3) The bedroom sex , you've calmed down a bit , perhaps even have kids , so you get to do it in the bedroom.

4) Hallway sex , this is when you pass each other in the hallway and say, 'Go Screw Yourself !'

5) The last but not the least is the courtroom sex, this is when you get divorced and your wife screws you in front of everyone in the courtroom !

Maxy

Dear Maxy ,

I just wanted to let you know that I've been going out with my boyfriend Melvin for almost five years now, he's so loving and kind and thoughtful ... he always bring me flowers when he comes to visit.

Nancy

Dear Nancy ,

My dear , dear girl , doncha think it's about time you taught the cheap bastard to spell ...... J-E-W-E-L-R-Y  ?

Dear Maxy,

I am so fed up with men !!! They lie, cheat and forget your birthday  and play poker with their buddies until all hours of the night ! I've had it with them . Why did God put men on earth anyway ?

Daisy

Dear Daisy .

Because a 'vibrator'  can't mow the lawn . HeHe

Maxy