Ask Maxy

Dear Maxy ,

I just heard from a friend who is going through a  hard time. He lost his job about six months ago and hasn't found work yet . He reached out to me for a pep talk, I think . The problem is that I'm down myself . I lost my job almost a year ago . I have cobbled together odd jobs here and there , but it's not even close enough to pay my bills .So , when my friend called , all I could say is, I know what you mean". We ended up talking for awhil, but it was a little depressing. What should I have done ? I am usually up beat , But I just didn't have that to give .

Emma  ,  Washington ,D.C.

Dear  Emma ,

You have to be true to yourself . You may be beating up on yourself too much . The fact that you could relate to your friend because you are also suffering right now may have validated his feelings.

Moving forward, when you are speaking with others, you may want to give a mood check before you jump into any conversation . If people expect you to be upbeat and you are not, say as much, so you change their expectations. You can also choose not to talk when people reach out to you. There's nothing wrong with establishing quiet time for yourself whan you need it . When you are feeling down, think of someone you can call who will be supportive of you .

When you are normally a cheerleader, it can be tough to find a cheerleader to support you. It requires that you to think differently  about your needs.

Maxy

Dear Maxy,

I have a co-worker who wanted to sample my lunch each day . This request was made as her hands reached for a potato chip or her fork was dipping into my meal . I came to realize that her actions were an attempt to dominate me, to take from me  without consequences. After several loud  but polite rebuffs in fornt of others, she discontinued her actions . We remain friendly toward each other, and my noon meal is less stressful . I learned to stand up for myself  .

Sally...Denver , Colo.

Dear Sally .

Ha! Yes , sometimes embrassment works as a strategy to get folks to leave you alone or stop a bad behavior. Sometimes people don't realize how off the mark  their  behavior  is until  it's glaringly pointed out to them.

For anyone who eats off other people's plate, please stop. It's bad manners. It's not hygenic .
``Hey , it's not your food . If you want something that someone else is eating, ask for it . And be prepared  to except "no" as an answer.``

Maxy

Dear Maxy ,

I have a friend at my job, and I really like her a lot . She is a good mom of two young boys . She is going through a tough time because she and her husband are getting a divorce . Since she and her husband split , she looks disheveled . I think she isn't taking care of herself the way she used to. How can I address this without sending her over the edge ?

Allison....Staten Island , New York

Dear Allison,

This is a tough one . If your friend feels she is not measuring up in  some way at work , it  could be the straw that broke the  proverbial  camels' back. One way that you may be able to  support her is to give her a little care package  of pampering goodies , such as shampoo and conditioner, bath oil and body creme . Tell her that you know she has been working so hard to manage the new realities of her life and you just want  her to take time out for herself . Suggest that she pamper herself  the next time the children are with her  ex  or one evening after the children are sleeping.
Maxy