Good Comebacks and Other Handy Stuff About Men

 Good Comebacks:
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there any more.


Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.


Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.


Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
 Woman: Do not enter.


Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.


Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.


Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?


Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing

A Handy Translation Guide:
"IT'S A GUY THING"
Translated: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"
Translated: "Why isn't it already on the table?"

"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR"
Translated: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response
.
"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
Translated: "I have no idea how it works."

"I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND."
Translated: "That girl standing on the corner is a real babe."

"TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD."
Translated: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."
Translated: "Are you still talking?"

"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
Translated: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot our anniversary."

"I CAN'T FIND IT."
Translated: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"
Translated: "What did you catch me at?"

"I HEARD YOU."
Translated: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next three days yelling at me."

"YOU LOOK TERRIFIC."
Translated: "I hope she doesn't try on any more damn outfits, I'm starving."

"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."
Translated: "No one will ever see us alive again.

Ladies - Why You would enjoy Being a Man 

- Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
- Your orgasms are real. Always.
- Your last name stays put.
- The garage is all yours.
- Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.
- Wedding plans take care of themselves.
- You don't have to curl up next to a hairy ass every night.
- You can be president.
- Foreplay is optional.
- You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.
- Car mechanics tell you the truth.
- You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.
- The world is your urinal.
- Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
- Same work... more pay.
- Wrinkles add character.
- You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
- Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
- If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
- People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
- The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
- New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
- Porn movies are designed with you in mind.
- Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them.
- Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So, notice anything different?"
- One mood, all the time

Seems like they have all the advantages, doesn't it?  Don't you believe it