Making a Baby

 The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a
 surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was
 to arrive, Mr Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off
 now. The man should be here soon.  Good luck!'

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer
 happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good  morning,
 Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to ......'

 'Oh, no need to explain, 'Mrs Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been
 expecting you.'
 'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did you
 know babies are my speciality?'

'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a
 seat!

After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'

 'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the
 couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room
 floor is fun. You can really spread out  there.'

 'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and
 me!'

'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we
 try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles,
 I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.'

 'Oh my, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs Smith.

'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be in
 and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.'

'Don't I know it,' said Mrs Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his
 baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.

'Oh, my goodness!' Mrs Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their
 mother was so difficult to work with.'
 'She was difficult?' asked Mrs Smith.

 'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the
 job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a
 good look'
 'Four and five deep?' said Mrs Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too.
 The mother was constantly squealing and squawking - I could hardly
 concentrate, and when darkness  approached I had to rush my shots.
 Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had
 to pack it all in.'
 Mrs Smith leaned forward, 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your,
 uh...equipment?'

'It's true, Ma'am, yes. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and
 we can get to work right away.'

 'Tripod???'

 'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much
 too big to be held in the hand for very long.'


And that's when Mrs Smith fainted.