Ask Maxy

Dear Maxy,
I am ready for the loony farm. Both of my adult sons are back at home, one with his child . My husband retired last year, I am still working.
One son "Matt" contributes toward rent and household chores, but the other "Joe" sits like a bump on a log and does nothing. I'm sure Joe has  Adult Attention Deficit Disorder, but he won't  do anything about it. I don't want to throw him out, but he leaves us no choice. He always claims we love his brother more, but it's not true. Matt is simply more responsible, while Joe sits around looking for handouts .
I am a firm believer in tough love, but Joe always  made us feel guilty.  Please help. I need my sanity.
Kathy ...Drowning in Denver

Dear Kathy,
Kids are great at playing on their parents' guilt. Stiffen your backbone, and tell Joe he will  not be premitted to become a freeloader simply because you love him. If  he wants to remain in the house, he must contribute either rent, money or household help, no excuses, and if that is too much to ask, he is welcome to find another place to live. I also recommend you contact CHADD (chadd.org) for information and suggestions about adult ADD .
Maxy

Dear Maxy,
I just ran into a woman who was cruel to me during my college years . She caught me off  guard when we saw each other and instantly reached out to hug me. It happened so fast I couldn't back away . And we ended up in a fake embrace. I haven't  thought about her for  a long time. It's not as if I've held a grudge  all these years, but I do remember . She went so far as to ask if we could get together . She gave me her card. I did not give her mine. I'm wondering, should I just throw her card away ? Or is it worth it for me to follow up  with her and address  what happen years ago ? She never apologized for anything. She works near me  now so I'm sure I will see her again. I don't want to act as if we are old friends   because we are not . What should I do ?
Cindy ... Waco  , Texas

Dear Cindy ,
If you are strong enough to go for it, I recommend that you reach out to this woman. In the spirit of resolving issues, invite her  to lunch. Tell her how surprised you were to see her and how running into her  took you right back to years ago when you were in school together. Ask her if she remembers what your relationship was like then. Push her a bit to tell you what she remembers . Then reveal to her what you recall. Frankly explain that you believe she was cruel to you. Provide a specific example of what cruelty looked like to you . Ask her if she remembers . Ask her why she would do such a thing .
Tell her while you have moved past this situation an apology would  be nice. In  all likelihood, she will apologize. Accept her apology. If you have no intention  of becoming  friends with her now, promise her nothing. Feel confident that you have brought closure to an old wound .
Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
I am so mad at my husband  I don't know what to do . We had an argument the other day , and he immediately went to work and told all his co-workes  all the details . That was our personal business . I know this because one of his  friends called to tell me how upset my husband is  and to recommend  how I can handle it . What should I do ?
Marcia ... Biloxi , Mississippi

Dear Marcia ,
Cool down . Of course , it's not optimal that your husband told his colleagues  about your problems. But the gift is that you know what he's thinking. Talk to him without arguing, and tell him that you would like to further address the issue at hand. First , tackle the main problem. Ask him to work with you to resolve it. Then , ask him if he would try to talk about your family issues without sharing them with other people.
Maxy

Until next week, may all your problems be little ones and may all your bones be yummy....LUV MAXY