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Thursday, October 22, 2015

Ask Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
I met you through my uncle , he knew my problem and one day he told me he wanted me to tell you about my problem , my mother , his sister , said a dog could not help me , for nearly two weeks , my uncle told me to write . I did and Maxy you changed my life for the better . School started and this girl I wanted to meet , she is tall , about 5 feet 8 1/2 inches tall and I am only 5 feet 5 inches , so you can see the problem . 
I went to my uncle and asked him what to do , he asked did I remember what Maxy's advice to me was , I carry a clipping of it in my wallet . My uncle said , take the bull by the horns and go for it . I did and she smiled and I was hooked . We talk , and I asked her to the movies the same day , she said with pleasure . We go lots of places together holding hands , met her family which all are taller than I am , they are very nice . 
There was a dance at the school last week , my girl and I did the Cha-Cha , the kids cleared the floor to watch us . It felt really good . Thank you Maxy for telling me I may be short but I stand tall among men . 
Too Small
Dear 'Too Small,'
You only needed  a nudge in the right direction  to gain the confidence  you needed  to  stand  tall among  your peers . 
Height is not the answer, it's all about how you feel about yourself . You  decided to  asked this  young lady out  and she accepted . She likes you for yourself, whether you are short or tall.  What's inside  you and  what  you do  with it decides your stature. I was very happy to hear from you. Your letters are always welcome. You are a winner

Dear Maxy ,
I have been living with my husband for 12 years . He will be 50 in a few months and our daughter is only 11 . The problem is, my husband is ill and his doctor is predicting that he may be wheelchair bound and possibly completely paralyzed between now and early next year . I am afraid I may not be able to care for him when that time comes .
Since he is not a senior citizen, what places might accommodate him if he needs round-the-clock care ? Are there places like nursing homes and assisted living centers for someone who is only middle aged and wheelchair bound ? 
No Name USA
Dear No Name,
Absolutely . Most nursing homes  and assisted-living facilities that take senior  citizens  also take anyone who is disabled regardless of age . The only issue would be the cost . Does  your husband qualify for Medicaid ?You can find out at 
( ) . You didn't specify  your husband's illness , but there may  be a support group  for people with his disability .

Dear Maxy ,
I am preparing to move out of my parents place and be independent . I graduated from college a little less than two years ago and I know my dream job is in New York City . I have some money saved up from other jobs , but I am not sure what all of the steps are to getting my own place . My mom does not think I am ready to move out , but I know in order to get my career started , I need to be in the city that never sleeps . I have found a couple of apartments on line , but I know have a real  estate agent gets pricey . I will definitely have job interviews scheduled for myself once I get to New York City , but I just need to find a way to be there affordably first . How do I start this move out of the nest ? 
Breaking Free and Budgeting , Jackson , Mississippi 
Dear Breaking Free and Budgeting ,
Getting into the practice of saving and economy is essential . It's also important  to do your research . While you may not  find your dream job, it is smart  to line up a way to earn money  before you move to such an expensive city . Apartments are hugely expensive in New York, even tiny studio apartments. And they are scarce. The cost of living, in general, is also higher in a large metropolis. You need to make sure you have enough start-up money to last a while.
See if you can line up a few interviews and visit the city for a couple of days before committing yourself to it for good .
You also need to get online to real estate websites serving the NY area and look at available rentals. Also, go to NY newspaper websites and see what the classified ads offer to rent.
 Most people who move to New York City start by  having roommates to share expenses . You can find roommate opportunities  via the Internet on sites  such as ( craigslist. org ) and others. Be clear  about  your expectations  of a roommate  and  how much  you can afford when you list yourself . With strategic planning and careful research you can create a stable foundation for your new life .

Dear Maxy ,
I believe that television is destroying my family life . Whenever my children and husband and I get home, we seem to automatically retreat into different rooms to watch whatever is is our favorite TV show . When I attempt to corral everybody into the same room, it works for a quick meal but then we invariably end up in our corners, so to speak . I want us to talk as a family and do other interactive things . I almost feel it's too late, though because we have been doing this for so long . How can I coax us out of our corners and into each others lives in real time? 
Competing With The Idiot Box 
Dear Competing With The Idiot Box ,
I think we all can relate to this problem. It so easy to fall into that rut and so hard to climb out of it.
If you feel strongly about this, talk to your husband about it . Ask him  if he will partner with you on limiting  TV time  in your  home . Come up with  a plan which includes TV time and a set time that the TV is off for an hour or two no matter what . 
 The best time to schedule  talk time is during meals and right after . Introduce a topic that will spark family interest ( maybe some exciting current event ) or ask them questions about what they did that day.  Another way to engage their interest is consulting them about family decisions and asking their opinions. Listening and being interested in what kids say is the best way to keep them talking.
 After dinner, depending on the kids' age, play a game of cards or whatever game they enjoy.  You can pushback or record favorite shows to watch during their private time.
Explain  that everyone is participating . This will not  work as well if  you don't have  full agreement, and that needs to start with the parents.

Dear Maxy ,
I have recently been introduced to a funny and quirky guy . I enjoy spending time in his company --except for one habit of his : Whenever he does something feminine, he jokes he feels his "rights being taken away," like a woman's . Sometime he switches up the punch line and says that he feels himself "turning into a second-class citizen." Walter is gay , so he feels he can make these jokes because neither of us are "straight white men." I never consider making any sort of joke about how I feel gay and I feel myself gay , and I feel myself losing my rights .
Walter seems like a great friend if you overlook this comedic hiccup , and I don't want to have to shut down the mood when this happens . I haven't laughed at this joke and I need it to stop . Is it time for a quip back ? 
Over The Line
Dear Over The Line ,
I think your friend is not totally at ease with his sexuality. As a teen, when you discover your sexual identity, you know how hard it is to talk to anyone about it. You feel ashamed, insecure and lonely. With some people these feelings carry over into adulthood and they find it easier and more comfortable to make jokes about it, even though they may be inappropriate ones.
If this friend means something to you, then be a friend to him. For sure, tell him how you feel. But equally make it clear that you're absolutely willing to listen. Encourage him to express himself to you in a more appropriate way.
I think he needs some approval and support. You sound like a well adjusted, centered person. You can give him that.
Accepting and liking yourself is empowering. We all need that. Helping him with his insecurity can lead you  both to a richer place.

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