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Thursday, October 18, 2012

Ask Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
I have been friends with "Greg" since we were kids . Things happend  between Greg and me long ago , but the feeling  aren't there  anymore  for either of us ...or so I thought .
I started talking with Greg's friend from college  , "Charlie" and Charlie  and I hit it off . Charlie lives  in a different  state  , so whatever we had fell apart .
recently , I started talking  to Charlie again . Then I found out  through Charlie  that Greg  doesn't like me talking  with Charlie   and that Greg has  claimed me as  "his girl." I'm disturbed by this , because I am not his girl  , nor do I want to be .
How can I address this with Greg  ? What should I do ?
Stuck in the Past
Dear Stuck in the Past ,
There are plenty of unwritten rules  about dating the friends of an ex .
These rules are usually some variation of "stay away." It may not seem  logical to keep a distance  , especially if you and your ex have been apart  for years . But it's not  unusual  for an old flame  to believe  that his or her friends  are off-limits .
That Greg is laying claim to you is oddly aggressive  , and it may result  from some residual  hurt feelings . That said  , you have to srep up  and claim your future .
Start by contacting Greg and telling him  that you did not  mean to hurt  his feeling  by befriending  Charlie . Remind him that you two have not been an item  for years  and you thought  it was fine  to hang out with Charlie . Express your sincere  dismay  that you may have upset the equilibrium in their friendship .
Listen  to what he has to say . Let him know  your plans  before  you hang up the phone .

Dear maxy ,
I love my dad , but he can be cruel  . He is often trying  to get me  and my brothers (we;ll all in high school)  to fist-fight with one another  . After we fight , he praises the winner  and expresses his disapppointment in the loser .
I don't know how  to please my dad , and I don't enjoy  fighting with my brothers . How can I get through to him ?
Sad Son
Daer Sad Son , If you have the courage to do so , stop fighting with your brothers . Tell your dad  that you love him  and them  and that you don't want to fight anymore .
Work at developing a relationship with your dad . Do your best to carve  out some one-on-one time  with him . When you do anything  together  at all , thhank him for taking  the time  to do it . He may begin to notice  that he likes that special time , too .

Dear Maxy ,
I am applying to a program  and need a recommendation from a professor . I emailed one of my favorite professors , asking  for a recommendation  and letting her know  the deadline  was in two weeks  . She graciously agreed  and said since  she was busy  , I should write the recommandation  and give it to her to revise it  and send .
Is it normal  for a professor  to ask the student to write  the recommendation ? I am sort  of uncomfortable   with writing a recommendation for myself  and then having her revise it .
I don't want  to toot my own horn  , nor do I want  her to think I;m raving  about myself  . What should I do in this predicament ?
Dear Uncomfortable ,
I understand that you would prefer  your professor  to write the recommendation  on your behalf . However  , it is not unusual  that she asked for help in this effort . In addition to being busy  , the professor may not remember key highlights of your time  togegether  that you mifgt  think  were valuable . Sometimes professors (or former employers) will ask  to be reminded  of important  moments  or projects  that should be included  in the recommendation . In this case  , she has requested  a complete document that can be edited . I say , go for it .

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