Ask Maxy

 

 

Dear Maxy,

My husband is upset with me  because I haven't accepted his  request on Facebook . What's the big deal ? I married the man  , and we are  friends in real life  . I have nothing to hide from him . I just don't want to be his friend on Facebook . I don't want to have a cyber-relationship  with him . I want to have a real relationship  with him . I don't use Facebook that much anyway  . Am I in the wrong  for not accepting  his request ?

Wife
 

Dear Wife ,

Not accepting  your husband's Facebook request  when you have accepted requests  from other people sends a negative message to  him . It says that you do not welcome him into  a particular  part of your life  . While you may  not think  there is anything wrong  with that , it makes sense he would  . His perspective  is that likely  that if you welcome  others , why not him ?

His  perspective  is valid . This  doesn't mean  that your husband should  be involved  in every aspect of your life  . For example  , he probably  wouldn't  expect to listen  in while you are talking  on the phone  with your girfriends  . He probably  doesn't want  to go with you to the  beauty salon . But Facebook is a different  matter . It is a public forum  where people  go to connect  with one another .

If you have nothing to hide  , prove it by exccepting  your husband's Facebook request . Tell him you treasure  the one-on-one interaction  that you and he share  and that you don't want  to have a cyber-relationship  . He can enter your Facebook space  , but make it clear to him  that you don't intend  to develop  a relationship with him there .

Maxy

 

Dear Maxy , I have a unique style  . I wear my hair  kind of funky  , and it's partly dyed pink . I also wear  crazy colors  on nail polish  . It shows my fun side  , I think .

Usually  it's no big deal  , but recently I have had a problem . I  have been interviewing  for a part-time job  that can help tide me over  while I'm finishing school . I'm beginng to think  that my style  is getting in my way . When I have gone  to a few  interviews  , the people  have been  corfial  but totally oninterested .

I love my style  , but I also need a job . How can I have both ?

Unemployed Cutie
 

Dear Unemployed Cutie ,

Whether or not it should  , the way you choose  to look makes a difference . The good news  is that  there are all kinds  of jobs  out there .

Chances are you can find a place to work  that will embrace  your style , such as in the art  world  , in certain hospitality areas  and in telephone marketing .

Maxy

 

Dear Maxy ,

My boyfriend  of seven  months  recently ended things suddenly . "Ethan" is Mormon , and I'm Lutheran . We were  planning a future together . Ethan claims he wants to go on a mission  and cannot prepare  to do God's work  while having a girlfriend . He said we could still be friends .

But here's the thing  . He started hanging out with "Susan"  the same month  he broke up with me  . He told me  she was a new "friend" and also Moron . He denied  there was anything between them  . I am having trouble moving on  because I don't feel  Ethan is telling me the truth . He's already ripped out my heart  . The least  he can do is be honest .

Right now , he barely acts like an acquaintance  , let alone a friend . What should I do ?

Confused
 

Dear  Confused ,

While Ethan is undoubtedly being honest  about his upcoming  missionary trip , I think he is being less so about the breakup  . At least part  of that has to do with your religious  differences  and his new interest in Susan . This is surely what you already suspect . I wish Ethan had the courage  to come clean , but don't count on it  . Accept  that your relationship has run its course  . Regardless of his next move  , yours  should be to put him behind you .

Maxy