I got the most baffling birthday party invitation . My friend , in an effort to reclaim her youth , has decided to throw herself a 45th birthday --- at a strip club ! I had no idea this was an option , let alone an appealing one for a birthday party , I am conflicted about whether to attend . I didn't expect the invitation to have the entire printed schedule , but just noting that we are celebrating youth at a strip club brought up some questions for me . Will we be dancing to reclaim our youth ? Is the entire club rented out for this party , or will there be gentlemen at this gentlemen's club as well ? Part of me wants to go to see the spectacle , but part of me worries this will be harmful to my reputation . Am I over reacting ? Is it rude of me to ask questions of the host about the activities ? I have never been invited to a party of this sort before , or been aware they exsist .
Not Dancing , Jackson Mississippi
Dear Not Dancing ,
Your friend is getting sassy, eh? Good for her . Having fun and celebrating your birthday is a healthy outlet. And it's perfectly fine for you to feel apprehensive about it if you are un-used to this kind of entertainment. Of course you should ask her about the details of going to this club . You can probably look it up online, too . Some strip clubs are set up to have large group parties and are largely harmless events with a bit of sexy dancing by the employees and tossing of dollar bills by the patrons . It's only at seedier locations that more lewd behavior occurs .
Ultimately, you have to decide your own level of comfort . If you choose not to attend, try not to pass judgement on those who do, when you decline the invitation. Simply tell your friend that you feel uneasy about a strip club .
My co-worker received a bouquet of flowers at work from her fiance a month ago . These flowers are long gone rotten, and I don't think she realizes the difference between "rotten" and "dried." The flowers are turning black and the stems are shriveling up and causing an eyesore for the company and our clients . I have considered getting her a new arrangement of flowers myself , but this won't be cherished like the flowers from her fiance . Usually , people are allowed to decorate their desks as they please and no one comments , but you can tell from puzzled glances that these rotting flowers are drawing negative attention . I love to garden , so I was thinking of suggesting I use them as fertilizer or offer to teach her how to dry flowers so future flowers do not rot . Am I sticking my nose where it dosen't belong ?
Dear Rotten Flowers ,
Go to your co-worker privately, and tell her that her bouquet has gone bad and is now an eyesore . Suggest that she throw it away, but hold onto the memory . If she balks, tell you believe the rotten flowers are bad for business and you know she wouldn't want that .
After my dad died , my mom went to live out of state with my brother and his wife . My brother took control of everything . He convinced her that she was incapable of making her own decisions and had her open joint bank accounts that he had full access to .
Recently , Mom confided that she has no idea why she can never get over a certain amount of savings in her account . She knows she should have more money put away, but fully trusts my brother and will not confront him about it . My brother has also pushed me out of Mom's life . He will not let me visit her or allow her to come to my home . I am lucky if I get to speak to her once a day on the phone .
My children miss their grandmother and don't understand why there is such a drastic change in her behavior . Family is just not family anymore and the holidays seem sad . I don't know what to do . My brother and his wife want nothing to do with their niece and nephew .
Please Help --- Missing Mom
Dear Please Help ,
While it's possible that your mother simply doesn't remember what money is being put into her account , it is more likely that your brother is taking advantage of her account --- especially if he will not permit you to visit or communicate with her . This is very worrisome . If you believe your brother is being abusive toward your mother, either by stealing her money or preventing others from from checking on her well being , please contact Adult Protective Services in the city where she lives or get information on local state resources through the National Center on Elder Abuse at (www.ncea.aoa.gov).
This is putting a heavy responsibility on you but who else will protect her?
Dear Maxy ,I read the letter from "lonely Not Lust," the 67-year-old woman who went on a date with a man who seemeed nice , but who grabbed her breast ahen saying goodnight . It reminded me of the comments that my doctors always made after my exams .
I am in my 60s and single . Both doctors always ask if I'm sexually active . Then they warn me to make sure that my partner has been to his doctor and tested for STDs . This is the age of viagra and a large percentage of their practice is devoted to men with STDs , especially those living in assisted living and senior residences where the women outnumber the men . The men I have been with lately think the women are all waiting for them to ravish us . How stupid can they be ? Please consider educating people on this subject .
Dear N .
According to the CDC, the incidence of syphilis among seniors is up by 52 percent , and the number of chlamydia cases has risen 32 percent since 2007, many of these cases in retirement communities . The increase is attributed to living longer, healthier lives, along with the accessibility of erectile dysfunction drugs . Many seniors seem to believe that if pregnancy is not an issue, condom use is unimportant . But as we get older, our immune systems weaken, making seniors much more susceptible to becoming infected by STDs.
I commend your doctors for discussing STDs with you . Medicare offers free STDs screening for seniors and low cost treatment for those who need it .