Kids Say The Darndest Things 'Free for All'

Kids are the best comedians and it's free to enjoy , join us and enjoy wth us .

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Marjorie , age four , marched into the grocer's to tell the news . "We've got a new baby brother up at our house ," she said .

*** "You don't tell me !" said the grocer . "Is he going to stay with you ?"

"I guess so ," said Marjorie . "He's got his things off ."

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Little Ruthie ran into the house in a feverish state of excitement .

"Oh, mother !" she cried . "Our pussy-cat has got some kittens and I didn't even kn ow she was married ."

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Little Johnny came running into the house stuttering in his excitement .

"Mommy," he panted , "Do you know Eddie Smith's neck ?"

*** "Do I know what ?" asked the mother .

"Do you know Eddie Smith's neck ?" the boy repeated .

*** "Well , I know Eddie Smith ," answered the puzzled parent , "So I suppose I know his neck. Why?"

"Well ," said Johnny , "he just fell into the pool up to it ."

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*** "Well, said the friendly neighbor , "I hear you've got a little baby brother at your house . What do you think of him ?"

"I don't like him ," said Sally frankly , "He's got a funny red face abd he cries all the time ."

*** "Why don't you send him back where he came from ?"

"Oh, I'm afraid we couldn't do that . We've used him two days already ."

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A small boy came home from his first day of Sunday School and began to empty his pockets of money ... nickels , dimes , quarters ... while his parents gasped in surprise .

*** Finally his mother said , "Where did you get all that money ?"

"At Sunday School ," the boy replied the boy nonchalantly . They have bowls of it ."

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*** Two little girls tiptoed into the living room and over to the sofa where their daddy was stretched out for a post-supper nap . Wanting to know if he was really asleep or just pretending to be , the girls whispered and giggled as they stealthily approac hed . Finally one of the darted forward , seized an eyelid between two little fingers and lifting it up , leaned forward and stared at what was underneath . Then , signing in satisfaction , she murmured , "Well , anyhow ha's still in there ."

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*** Bringing home the report card is another great indoor game in American homes ,The object is to see how well a bad report card can be presented and how little penalty can be suffered for a bad mark .

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*** One duffer got an "A" .

"Hey , dad , you're sure a lucky parent ."

*** "How's that ."

You don't have to buy me a lot of new school books this next year . I'll still be in the same class . Ain't that swell ?"

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*** The little four year old cried bitterly when a large friendly dog bounded up to him and licked his hands and face . "Wht is it darling ? cried the mother . "Did he bite you ?"

"No ," came the reply . "But he tasted me ."

******************************************************************************Little Freddy had never send a plate of Jello . He sat there at the dinner table staring at it for a long moment watching it quiver .

*** "Go ahead and eat it ," his mother ordered .

"Eat it !" the boy drew bac k in amazement . "It ain't dead yet."

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*** The little girl was making out a list of things she wanted for her birthday , when her mother inquired what she wanted more than anything else .

" A baby brother."

*** "But honey ," her mother tried to explain , " you see your daddy and I would like to give you a little baby brother , but there isn't enough time before your birthday ."

"Why don't you do like they do down at Daddy's factory when they want something in a hurry ? Put more men on the job."