Ask Maxy

Dear Maxy,

I have a co-worker who constantly yells at everyone . She gossips and complains about co-workers all the time . When anyone makes a mistake she makes fun of them . A few people have quit because of her . Customers have complained about her rudeness and how she screams at co-workers .

We have brought this up to our boss and his supervisor , but they say , "Well , that's just how she is ." I'm tired of it and so is everyone else .

But when I tried to get other people to register a complaint as a group , no one would man up because they are afraid the co-worker will find out . Then , if nothing happens , she will make our lives hell . What's our next step ?

No Fun Here

Dear No Fun ,

If you cannot get the office staff to register a group complaint and management refuses to intervene , your choice is to put up with this annoying co-worker or leave .

Maxy

Dear Maxy,

My husband is driving me crazy . Everything I say , he says the opposite . Even if I voice an opinion I know he shares , he'll take the opposite viewpoint . If I say I don't want to go somewhere , he'll say , "Yes you do." If I say I want to go somewhere , he'll say , "No you don't."

He also belitties me when I read . Every TV show I like , he says , "It's dumb." If it belongs to me , he says , "Let's get rid of it ." I was making the bed yesterday and told him it wasn't necessary for him to watch , and he said , "Yes it is ." Why do you think he does this ? How can I get him to stop ?

Enough Already

Dear Enough,

How long have you been married to this contrarian ? Has he always been annoying ? Frankly , it sounds like he is enjoying pushing your buttons and demeaning your choices because it gives him control over you . So instead of getting angry or frustrated , ignore him . Smile sweetly and say , "Absolutely , darling ," while you continue to watch your programs and read your books . Of course , if the situation becomes worse , consider counseling .

Maxy

Dear Maxy ,

Please emplasize ( to the reader who can't stop holding a grudge) that forgiveness is not yielding , nor is it condoning or permitting abuse to recur .

Yes , there is every benefit to shedding the anguish of innocent damage . Planning punishment and revenge , and suffering lost sleep over the agony of frustration and hurt , seems the perfect plan for developing a peptic ulcer .

Doc

Dear Doc ,

You are making such an important point . Under no circumstances is it healthy to hold a grudge . As tough as forgiveness can be , it is liberating .

A coach I respect tremendously ... Pat Ward ... (www.patwardconsulting.com) speaks a lot about creating space in your life to be able to think clearly and make healthy choices .She is a big fan of practicing forgiveness because it allows you to allows you to take actions in your life free of stress that can lead to limited decisions .

I am a big fan of letting go of anything that will cause you to fret over things that you cannot control . Practicing forgiveness is definitely worth the effort .

Maxy