Ask Maxy

Dear Maxy,

I've been with my botfriend for a decade . We have children together and jointly own cars , a house and a business. I've been pushing the issue of marriage for three years . So far , he won't budge . I've given him deadlines and ultimatums , and still nothing .

I love him dearly , and I'm at the end of my rope . What should I do ?

N.C.

Dear N.C. ,

Honey , you haven't given him deadlines and ultimatums . You're given him empty threats and let him off the hook . Either accept the situation as it is , or leave . Find out whether your 10-year union is protected legally under common-law marriages statutes . Talk to a lawyer about child support and your business entanglements .

When he knows you are truly serious about leaving , he may offer marriage , but don't count on it . You should act according to what you think is best for you , and not because you are trying to manipulate him .

Maxy

Dear Maxy,

My daughter is in the second grade and has been bugging me to give her a cellphone . I told her she is too young and doesn't need one . She points out other children who have phones . I think they are in higher grades , but either way , I am not doing that . I think she is far to young to have to have access to who knows what kind of information or people . What do you think is the right age to give a child a phone ?

Holding Out

Dear Holding Out ,

I agree that a second-grader is too young to have a phone . At age 7 or 8 , a child should be under adult supervision . I think children may benefit from having cellphones when they began to travel independently of adults . That tends to begin at about 10 or 11 , when they may go to school without their parents or attend extracurricular activities and than make their way home alone.

Whenever you give your child a phone , make sure to put tight limits on the numbers she / he can call and the amount of texting she / he can do . Then stay on top of it , monitoring all communication .

Maxy

Dear Maxy ,

I got into a big argument with a friend via barrage of harsh text mwssages , and we haven't spoken since , I couldn't believe how rude my friend was to me and the nerve she had to do it electronically . We used to be real confidantes , and we talked about everything in what I thought were sensitive ways . I am hurt and feel like I don't know how to mend the fence , or even want to. What do you recommend when friends "break up" via text ?

Seething

Dear seething ,

You have just experienced something that is sure to become more common over time . Technology can cause all kinds if problems for people when it isn't managed well . Whenever you feel emotionally charged about something . DO NOT write about it in an email or teat or send a voicemail message . The best thing to do when you are heated is to be yourself and calm down . Think about the situation from different angles , and try to find reason within the situation . Then do your best to address the conflict as directly as possible ... preferably face-to-face .

This didn't happen , and now you and your friend have has a serious falling out . When you emotionally grounded , contact your friend and tell her you want to talk about what happened . Explain how hurt you were and how you feel now . Tell her specifically what upset you . If you want to rekindle your friendship tell her that . Take the time to listen to her side .

Maxy