Ask Maxy

Dear Maxy,
My eldest brother has a secret. Before he met his wife , he was married and had two children in a country that does not have divorce . This was 25 years ago . The first marriage was very rocky , and my brother left his wife  while she was pregnant  with their second child . He then met his current wife and moved to the U.S. His current wife doesn't know anything about his previos marriage .
The eldest son from his first wife , who was six when my brother abandoned him , has contacted me . He wants to meet his father . He is an emotional wreck  because of my brother's behavior . He says he want to  know his father and have closure . I don't know what to do .
Worried Sister
Dear Sister,
tell your brother immediately about the contact with his son , and encourage him to make this right . While it is not your place to inform his current wife ( and possibly destroy his marriage  ), your brother must realize that his son could easily contact another person in the family . He should come clean before someone else does it for him .
Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
My husband insists on lounging on our corduroy sofa after he exercises . He is literally dripping with sweat , and every inch of his clothing is soaked . I have asked him nicely to please shower first , but he gets angry and says he doesn't need to . He insists I'm overreacting . I hate to be a nag , but I am tired of damp , smelly furniture . How do I deal with this ?
Stinky's Wife
Dear Wife ,
The simplest solution is covering the corduroy sofa  with sheets or towels or a washable sofa cover . But you may consider giving him a gym membership so he can  work out (and hopefully shower) elsewhere . If he works out at home , place the treadmill or other equipment in another area of the house so he's likely to lounge on something that won't obsorb so much moisture .
Maxy

Dear Maxy,
We live in a small rural area . We love the community, school , church , etc. , but I am sad for my daughter . "Tess" is a junior i  high school . About six months ago , one friend became angry with her for some reason  and manage to get the rest of their group to ostracize her as well . It breaks my heart that Tess no longer has friends . She sits home night after after night . It also makes me angry that one girl can have so much control over other people. This is just like bullying . And those who allow this to happen  are just as guilty as she is . Shame on them.
As a parent , I want to jump in and let them know how harmful they are being to my daughter , but I realize it will only make things worse. What can I do ?
Hurting for My Daughter
Dear Hurting ,
This is not  "just like" bullying . It absolutely is bullying . Some of these things resolve themselves over time , although six months is a long wait. Did Tess do something for which an apology would help ? Could Tess meet with the ringleader privately and come to an understanding ?
If no reconciliation is possible , please encourge Tess to find new friends  both in and out of school ... perhaps at church or through sport groups . She can also check kidshealth.org to find better ways to cope. She should not be moping around at home . And if these "mean girls" are verbally or physically nasty to Tess , you should report it to the principal and make sure they are held accountable for their behavior .
Maxy