Ask Maxy

Dear Maxy,

I'm a freshman , and generally I am enjoying college . I moved away from home for the first time, and I'm really settling in pretty well . I do have one issue , though , I live in a dorm with two guys I had never met . We each have our own desk , however , mine is continuously occupied by my room-mate's things . I have moved them off several times , but he still hasn't gotten the message.

I like both of my roommates , and I feel funny about calling him out on this .

How can I tell him it bothers me without sounding mean or causing an awkward relationship between us ?

Dylan

Dear Dylan .

You have no reason to feel bad about establishing boundaries in your dorm room . By doing so right away , you make it clear that you are a legitimate presence in the room , just as the other young men are . Simly state that you would apprecite it if your roommates would put their things in their respesctive areas --- not on your desk .

It could be your roommate is not aware of his behavior . Perhaps at home he was a bit of a slob or lived in a room by himself and was accustomed to putting his things anywhere . Whatever his reasons may be , you must stake out your territory and make it clear to others to respect you.

Maxy

Dear Maxy,

I was at a bar the other night when I picked up a cute girl and took her home . The sex was great and I enjoyed her company a lot , but I am a bit turned off  by the fact that we had sex on our first date  and thus don't want to date her . She's been calling me , though . I do like the girl . Should I give it another try ?

Jimmy

Dear Jimmy ,

Boy , talk about a double standards !! I hear the messages from parents who tell their daughters , in particular , that this kind of hasty timing can backfire on them . You are proof that it is still true .  That said , I say stop being a hypocrite and get to know the woman , especially if you really like her .

You could  even tell her that you want to start over . Explain that you genuinely like her and you enjoyed the other night , but it made you uncomfortable . Be honest . Tell her you would like to have a proper first date with her  and move more slowly to see if there's synegy between you . If you do that , I strongly recommend that you resist jumping into the sack anytime soon . Slow down and see what evolves .

Maxy

Dear Maxy,

I've been staying with a good friend until I close on a new condo I bought . I've been staying at his place for several weeks now . I'm appreciative  of him putting me up , but he keeps his place a mess . He doesn't clean at all . He rarely washes clothes . He lives like a slob . No kidding . I'll have to be there for another month. Should I just bide my time , or should I mention something to him ? I try to clean up as much as I can , but I'm always overwhelmed . But I can't exactly afford to put myself up in a hotel for the time that's left .

Alex

Dear Alex,

If a man is messy , telling him what he already knows isn't going to change things . He is doing you a favor . Bite your tongue  while you wait , or see if you can stay with another friend until your place is ready.

If you decide to stay there , continue to chip  away at the mess . Start , obviously , by tending to your personal space. Keep that clean and neat . Then go from the one small area to the next , focusing on places you have to frequent . That will make it less overwhelming.

You can also consciously choose to count your blessing  . Yes , you are in a situation that is less ideal , but it is far better than staying in a hotel for a month, isn't it ? You are saving a tremendous amount of money .

If it gets to bad , consider asking him if you could pay for a housekeeper to come in and help get things in order . That could be a lovely gift that you offer him for his hospitality .

Maxy