Ask Maxy

Dear Maxy ,

I have a couple of friends who are , for lack of a better term , potheads . They always come over to my house and smoke pot in my yard. I feel I don't have enough authority over them to tell them not to smoke , especially at my house . What can I do or say to them to get them to listen to me ?

Olivia

Dear Olivia ,

You absolutely  have the authority to tell your friends they cannot smoke pot at your home , outside or inside . As you know , it is illegal  ... unless they are smoking for mediacl purposes , which is doubtful when they are at your house ! Your friends may say you are boring or corny or any other disparaging thing . It doesn't matter . Be tough and clear . Tell them you happy to entertain them , but they have to leave their drugs at home . If they decide not to visit anymore , so be it .

Maxy

I recently ran into an old class-mate who told me where she's been working for the past ten years . I mentioned the name of a man I know who works there . She proceeded to tell me  that this man was  involved in extramarital affiars in the office and that she has had a flirt with him as well. What I didn't tell my class-mate is that this man's wife is a friend  and we teach at the same school.

Do I tell my teacher friend about her philandering husband ?

Ellen

Dear Ellen ,

You haven't seen this class-mate in ten years and have no idea whether she is telling the truth . Quite frankly, this sounds like unfounded gossip  to me and doesn't merit repetition . Unless you have independent knowledge that your friend's husband is cheating , I would let this sleeping dog lie.

Maxy

 Dear Maxy,

I never thought I would need to sit down and talk to my friend about her jealous ways . I really didn't notice this until she came to my bridal shower . As a close friend , it would behoove her to say something nice  when she was called to do so . Instead she turned her nose up  and disrespectfully declined .

After my bridal shower , I asked her if she could come with me to fix last-minute discrepancies so the wedding would flow . The day we were suposed to go out , she bailed on me . I was so angry that I told her not to come to my wedding .

How can I retract such a bold , drastic statement  ? She's one of  the closest friends I have .

Sanai

Dear Sanai,

Tempers often flare around weddings . Lots of emotions bubble forth for the bride  and her friends , as you are experiencing .

Now is a perfect time to extend an olive branch . Call your friend and apologize for retracting her invitation . Talk to her about how you felt when she disrespected you . Tell her that you what her to be happy for you in your marriage , that you value her friendship  and that you want her to be a part of the beginning of your new life since she has been so important to you .

Maxy