Kids Say The Darndest Things

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed . She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice.

'Mommy  , will you sleep with me tonight ?'

The mother smiled and gave him a reasurring hug . 'I can't dear ,' she said , 'I have to sleep in daddy's  room.

A long silence was broken at last by his shakty voice  ; 'The big sissy.'

A small boy is sent to bed by his father . Five  minutes  later ... Daad...'

'What ? 'I'm thirsty . Can you bring me a drink of water ?'

'No  . You hadf your chance . Lights out.'

'WHAT? 'I'm  THIRSTY . Can I have a drink of water?

I told you no ! If you ask again , I'll have to spank you !'

Five minutes later ... Daaaa-aaaad...'

'WHAT!'

When you come in to spank me , can you bring me a drink of water ?

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation  of the blood . Trying to make the matter clearer , she said , "Now class , if I stood on my head , the blood , as you know , would run into it  , and I would turn red in the face ..."

"Yes," the class said .

"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"

A little fellow in  the back shouted , "cause your feet ain't empty."

A certain little girl , when asked her name , would reply , I'm Mr. Sugarbrowns' daughter ," her mother told her this was wrong , she must say , 'I'm Jane ugarbrown.'

The  Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School and said , 'Aren't you Mr' Sugarbrowns' daughter ?

She replied , 'I thought I was , but  my mother says I'm not.

One day , a third grade teacher decided to do an exercise with her class in the knowledge of proverbs . She presented her students with the first half of the proverbs and asked them to complete the second half. Now, proverbs in itself are nice little bits of wisdom . But you will be surprised to read what these young minds have come up with . Here are the top team . Enjoy !

1)  Don't change horses .... until they stop running .

2)  Strike while  the ... bug is close.

3)  It's  always darkest before ... Daylight Saving Time .

4)  Never  underestimate the power of ... termites.

5)  Laugh and the whole world laughs with you , cry and ... You have to blow your nose.

6)   Don't bite the hand that ... looks dirty .

7)  No news is ... impossible .

8)   You can't teach an  old dog new  ...  Math .

9)   If you lie down with dogs , you'll ... stink in the morning .

10)  An idle mind is ... the best way to relax.

A couple had two little mischievious boys , ages 8 and 10 . They were  always getting into trouble , and their parents knew that if any mischief occured in their town , their sons would get the blame.

The boys mother heard  that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children , so she asked if he would speak with the boys . The clergyman agreed and asked to see them individually .

So, the mother sent her 8-year-old  first , in the morning , and the older boy was to see the clergyman in the afternoon .

The clergyman , a huge man with a booming voice , sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly , "Where is God?" 

The boys' mouth dropped open , but he gave no response , sitting there with his mouth hanging open .

The clergyman repeated the question , "Where is God ?"

Again the boy made no attempt to answer . So , the clergyman raised his voice some more and shook his finger in the boys' face and bellowed , "Where is God."

The boy screamed and bolted from the room . He ran directly home and dove into the closet , slamming the door behind him .

When his older brother found him in the closet  , he asked , " What happened ?"

The younger brother , gasping for breath , replied .

"This time we are in real BIG trouble !  God is missing and they think we did it ! 

An exasperated mother , whose son was always getting into mischief , finally asked him , "How'd you expect to get in Heaven ?"

The boy thought it over and said , "Well, I'll run in and out  and in and out  and keep slamming the doors until St.Peter says , "Fot Heavens' sake , Dylan come in or stay out ."

A sunday school teacher asked her class, "What was Jesus mother name ? One child answered Mary ."

The teacher then asked , "Who knows what Jesus fathers' name was ?

A little girl said "Verge."

Confused the teacher asked , "Where did you get that ?"

The Kid said ,"Well you know they're always talking about the  Verge  n' Mary."

One day a little girl was sitting  and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink . She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of wite hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head .

She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked , "Why are some of your hairs white , mom?"

Her mother replied , "Well everytime that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy , one of my hairs turn white ."

The little girl thought about this revelation for awhile and then said , "Momm a , how come  ALL of grandmas' hairs are white .