Ask Maxy

Dear Maxy,

I'm just realizing that my girlfriend likes to talk ... 'a lot.' She has two best friends , both of whom she  speaks to at least five times a week .

My concern started when I heard her mention my name . I was extremely tired  one night, and she was on the phone talking until 1:30 a.m.  She thought I was sound asleep .

She began to discuss what I thought was our "private" sex life. I was appalled . Every possible detail, and honestly, it's hard  for me to look at her  friends the same way.

How can I break it down to her ? Should I tell her that I don't want our sex life to be discussed ? Or would I come off as being possessive ?

John

Dear John,

It's not healthy to talk about people . Your girlfriend  spends far to much time doing that. Obviously, talking about your sex life should be off-limits. While it may be true that her girlfriends could be curious about you because  of your expertise, that isn't the main reason she should stop . It's a violation of your relationship, some things should remain private.

Tell her that you overheard her talking to her friends about your sex life and that you do not think it was appropriate . Tell her you are interested in building a meanful life with her, not with her and her girlfriends . Ask her to resist the temptation to talk about your private life . And invite her at the same time to spend more time with her ... and less time talking to others.

Maxy

Dear Maxy,

I'm in my mid-20s and I rarely have "me" time . I'm young and would love to travel, date or connect with a local organization , but my work consumes my life . As a government contractor, I work from 6 a.m. to 7 p.m. ... sometime to 10 p.m. I have to work on Satuardays, leaving one day free.

I always promise myself that I would make my life centered on work, but here I am ... stuck. Yet I need this job to fund the lavish lifestyle I am used to.

I refuse to live in a crime-infested area without good amenities. How can I live the way I want and keep up my lifestyle without working harsh hours ?

Joyce , Washington, D.C.

Dear Joyce,

It's time for patience . Focus on your work and saving your money . Figure out a strategy for your next job that will allow greater flexibility and higher pay . In time, you may be able to do all the things that your heart desires . The key here is time.

Maxy

Dear Maxy,

Every year, friends of ours have birthday parties at their homes and at bars . Are we obligated to bring a gift ? Or is a card with well wishes sufficient ?

Is it wrong to feel this way ? Should we skip the party altogether ?

B-Day Party Guest

Dear Guest,

In most instances, these are very informal events. If the party is at a bar, you can treat the birthday celebrant to a drink . At their house, bring a snack or a bottle of something . It would be a shame to avoid  all such parties because you are fixated on the presents . Go and have a good time .

Maxy