Stop posting pictures of you being 'cuddle bunnies'
Facebook has a funny way of turning even the most tolerable humans into oversharing, overbearing agents of off-the-charts annoyance. Maybe that's just the nature of social networking... or maybe Justin Timberlake is to blame? (I’ll re-watch The Social Network, and circle back...)
At any rate, there are some serious Internet etiquette faux pas that are unacceptable after you become a “real” fully functional adult (with rent, and at least one failed career and/or long-term relationship). The first step on your path to digital enlightenment is acknowledging the problem areas, and nixing them from your newsfeed. You want to be taken seriously -- it's the only way you'll ever get a bank loan.
Welcome to the Internet in the 21st century: where teenagers pretend to be 30-year-olds, and 30-year-olds act like teenagers. Let's change that, OK???
Posting "chain" statuses
The limping ancestors of those chain-mail messages your mom used to send around on her AOL account, these are the scourge of teeny-bopping Facebookers the world over, and bringing them to an adult level makes the act even more egregious. If you think you can change fate with a Facebook status, I know a prince in Nigeria that might like to speak with you about your finances...
Being an annoyingly over-enthusiastic, semi-delusional sports fan
The whole reason televisions come with mute buttons is so we don't have to listen to sports commentators. And those guys are professionals. Your weekly soliloquy on how and why Eli Manning is a "nancy boy" gives me some insight as to why your career as an ESPN anchor never panned out, or even got started in the first place.
Facebook is designed to help us celebrate and share our lives, but not to the extent that you alienate everyone else on the planet with the uncomfortable glow of your personal success. Oh my God, I’m so happy your life is so much better than mine. Did you know more than half of weddings result in divorce, and 75% of kids turn out to be dickheads?