Last year, my son married a girl we adore . He and his new wife live in the same town . But even since the wedding, he barely speaks to us . It's as if he started a new life and forgot about his old one . He'll respond when I call or text but he never initiates contact . He treats his siblings the same way, which makes me sad . The only way I see him is when I invite them over for dinner . We got along fine when he lived at home, so I don't understand how he has seemingly forgotten us . I don't know how to address this with him without coming across as rude .
Lonely Mom
Dear Lonely Mom ,
You are making this an emotional crisis and it doesn't have to be . Your son still loves and cares about you . Let me explain : When your son lived at home, you saw him everyday and contact didn't require any effort from him . Now that he lives away doesn't occur to him to call or text, because he never had to think about it before . He is conditioned to let everyone else do the work .
Here's how to fix it : Let him know how you miss him and would love it if he'd remember to call or text once or twice a week . But understand that you'll still have to do most of the work . Then make friends with his wife . Call her . Text her . Ask her to go shopping with you or meet you for lunch . But also be sure to give them their space . While they are both part of your family, they are first and foremost a unit unto themselves . Not to mention, they are still in the honeymoon phase of their marriage. It's a fact of life that when a son marries Mom takes a back seat but she is still very much in the building.
Maxy
Dear Maxy ,
My father was recently hospitalized because he had an allergic reaction to a blood pressure medication that he had been taking . One day out of no where, his tongued swelled up, he couldn't talk and had trouble swallowing water . He was taken to the hospital and put on an intravenous drip for a few days . It took him a few months to recover . The doctor recommended that he should change the medication, but he also needed to change his diet and start exercising . He walks every day now, but he continues to eat poorly . Do you have any advice on how to change one's diet .
Scared for dad
Dear Scared for Dad,
Changing habits of any kind can be extraordinarily difficult, especially for older people, who have had a lifetime to entrench their habits . You and your family may want to sit down with your dad and scare him into considering a lifestyle change, kind of like a mini intervention . Tell him how much you love him and want him to live for a long time . Offer to have the whole family change its eating habits so that you can be healthy together . Keep trying. He is worth it.
Maxy
Dear Maxy,
I lost my job about 6 months ago and I have recently been trying to find a new one . Before I lost my job, I was in business and worked 20 years . I really need a job to help support my family and my young kids . My wife works, but I was always the primary supporter of the family . My kids do not realize what happened. All they know is that they cannot have all the toys that they used to . I have applied for a few different positions and have even gotten interviews with some of the companies but after the interviews, they never call me back . I thought I was doing a good job . I dress appropriately and I have a lot of experience . How can I present myself in a way that makes companies want to hire me ?
Need a job .
Dear Need a Job ,
Follow up with the potential employer and human resources executives with whom you have met . Ask if they would be willing to tell you why they did not hire you . Explain that you are interested in doing your best to present yourself effectively so that future employers will see the capable person you consider yourself to be . Be persistent about this . If you can get real feedback from individuals who have interviewed you, you will be able to look more closely at what you are doing right or wrong . I think a little insight may be the key to your problem.
Maxy
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