Ask Maxy

Dear Maxy,
I've considered  writing  every time  I read  about some one who thinks  their spouse  is having an affair . Facebook and other social media have opened the door  to secret  connections . I didn't  fully understand  the issue  until  I found that my husband  was  communicating with various other women this way .
I never  expected  this . My husband  was an upstanding 
professional  and we had been married  25 years  . When  someone  gets caught  communicating with another and protests  that "nothing  happened," what they mean is  that they aren't  yet sexually  involved . But a lot  has happened . It's  a betrayal . Once a husband  or wife  closes a window  to the  spouse  and opens  it to  another person, it creates  an intimacy .
A better  definition  of an affair  is that  it's something that  violates  trust . My husband  and I now  work every day to keep those windows  open . He finally understands  that  it's not  sex that makes the affair. It's taking your emotional  passion  and giving  it to someone else  other than  your  spouse .
Trusting again
Dear Trusting ,
I agree  that trust  is the bottom line  of  any relationship, providing  the security  and  confidence  that allow  it to survive  for the long haul . I am glad  that you and  your husband  managed  to work  on this  together  and repair  your marriage .
Well done,
Maxy
Dear  Maxy ,
I am 60-years-old  and feel  that I have accomplished next to nothing . The only worthwhile  things are my husband, two children  and a lovely granddaughter. They are the  lights  of my life .
I was let  go from  a previous job . My current  job  is awful  and it  stresses me out . But I have no computer training so a job change  is not in the cards . Because  my job pays  next to nothing , I began charging things on credit  . I'm now in deep credit-card  debt  and am desperate  to find the funds  to pay  it off.
I'm a hard worker, but feel like a useless failure . Don't tell  me to see a counselor, because there is no money  to pay for it . If my car dies on me, I'll be walking 6 miles to work .
At this time, I thought I'd be  better off . Please tell me I can do it .
End of The  Line
Dear End,
The quality of your life  should  not be based  solely on your financial  situation. Can your husband  help pay off this debt ? Surely he would want to be supportive . Also try Debtors Anonymous (debtorsanonymous.org) . For  a  job, contact  your local city hall  or state  government offices  for help .  Then Try AARP (aarp.org) , which  offers  information  and resources  for senior-friendly companies .
But also, please don't disregard  your depression. There is free  and low-cost  counseling  available  through  your local county services, the YWCA and any graduate  school counseling department  or  medical school psychology department, United Way, the Samaritan Institute (samaritaninstitute.org) and the Abraham Low Self-Help Systems (lowself-helpsystems.org) .
 You are appreciated and loved by your family and you will find  your way. Don't lose heart.
Maxy

Dear Maxy,
I am a college senior  and I am concerned  about my upcoming journey into the real world . I am preparing  myself  to apply for jobs but I am very shy . I have attended  job fairs on campus, but  when I go, I just briefly greet the recruiter, put my  resume on the table  and run away . What are some networking tips shy people should keep in mind  when approaching  recruiters ?
Shy Senior
Dear Shy Senior ,
Keep your focus on your goal . Be clear  about the type of job you want . Make sure your resume  expresses your interest and your experience . Do your research  to find out  which recruiters  represent jobs in your area  of interest . Seek those particular people out as you move  through the  job fair . It will be easier  for you to go to each targeted recruiter  rather  than feeling  like you have to search  through  an endless sea of people .
When  you approach  a recruiter, make eye contact  and offer a firm handshake . State your name  and say that you have  looked him /or her up  and believe  that  you  might be a good  fit  for the  company .
Having done research in advance shows that  you are a strategic  thinker  and a planner . The recruiter will probably  appreciate that and  invite you to talk . When you talk, stick to the facts at first . Answer  any questions  you are asked . As  you loosen  up share things about yourself  that reveal your uniqueness . Follow up with a thank-you note expressing  gratitude  for the opportunity  to meet  the recruiter . State  that you hope  to be considered  for the position  you discussed . You can do this.
Maxy