Ask Maxy

Dear  Maxy , 
One of our granddaughters started  pulling  her eyelids  at around  9 . We expressed  our  concern to our  son . Shortly after, we were told  that our granddaughter  was seeing  a counselor  to address this behavior . We were so relieved  when she stopped . But  about  a year later  she started  again . Now her  9-year-old brother is pulling hair  out of his head . He has  a bald spot  about two inches  in diameter .
I recently brought  up the counseling  to my son, but he said, "We've tried that.". He indicated  the kids will stop on their  own 
Is stress causing this? How involved  should  we get ? Right now, we feel  like it's  the elephant  in the  room .
Grandparents
Dear  Grandparents ,
Trichotillomania  is a disorder  that results  in compulsive  hair  pulling . It is  currently  considered  to be a "Body-focused repetitive  behavior ." There  also may be  a genetic  predisposition, which would explain  why  both  of  your grandchildren suffer  from it . Sometimes  stress, anxiety or  fatigue  can trigger  the hair  pulling, but not always .
Doctors  do not know  the underlying  cause  but believe it may develop  due to a  combination of genetic, hormonal , emotional  and environmental  factors . Appropriate  treatment  involves  cognitive  behavorioral  therapy , sometimes  in combinatoin  with  medication , hypnosis and relaxation  techniques . Your son and his wife  may already  be taking  the necessary  steps , but either way , you can get more information  through  the Trichotillomania  Learning  Center  at  trich.org.
Maxy

Dear  Maxy ,
I have  been feeling  lethargic  lately . I know part of it  is because  I have had very little work , which is  depressing . I try  so hard, but I work freelance  and hardly anybody is hiring . I have had  to negotiate payment plans  with everybody  in my life, it seems . I'm afraid  to pick  up the phone  for fear of another bill collector  calling . I find  myself  sleeping  less and  waking  up late . Soetimes  I feel like  I'm walking  around  like  a zombie  with no energy  at all .
Depressed 
Dear  Depressed ,
It is possible to become  depressed  when you are  short on money  and can't  figure  out  how  to climb  out of a hole . It  could  also be true  that you have  underlying health concerns  that are making  you feel  fatigued .
The best thing  you can do  for yourself  right  now  is to go to the doctor  and get a checkup . If you do not have  insurance, find a free clinic  in your city . Describe  your  physical  and emotional  symptoms  to  a doctor  and ask  for a complete  physical . Diseases such as  high blood  pressure  and diabetes  can cause  fatigue, as  can depression . Find out  if you are  suffering  from an  illness . If  so, get the help you need .
Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
I have a brother  who lives 3,000 miles away  from the family . He has lived  there  for more than 20 years . Though he stays  in close touch  with my mom, he  hardly  ever  comes  home . We invite  him to  all the holiday meals  and special  events, but  he hasn't  come for  years . We miss  him and love him  and want to see him . We were  thinking  about  suggesting  that  we go out  to visit  him  for the  kids break, but  I'm worried  that he may get upset  if he thinks  we are crowding  his space . How  can I appeoach  the idea  of  visiting  him  as a big  family group  so that he might  consider  it ? 
Missing my Brother 
You didn't  say  how often or if ever  you ar  your family  members  visit  your brother, so I don't  know  what the precedent  is  currently  . I do know that family members  who live far away  from the core of the family unit  often feel isolated . Call your  brother . Tell him  that you  and the  family miss him  and that  you want to visit ... soon . Ask him if all of you can  come to visit  during  spring break . Given that yours  is a group of a number of  people, you should stay in a hotel  so that  you don't invade  his space without  his invitation .
There's  a good chance  he will  say yes  . If not,  you can tell him that  you will love to visit  whenever  he was available .
Maxy