Ask Maxy

Dear Maxy,
My husband and I have  been married  for more than 50 years  and once  had a very enjoyable  and compatible  sex life, even though my  husband  didn't want any children  and refused to  discuss it .
After 27 years  of wedded  bliss, my husband  had major  surgery. He  developed  erectile dysfunction and became afraid  of dying. Our  sex life ended . But he was so depressed  and began drinking  heavily, especially when he retired  early for health reasons .
Recently, while going through some paperwork, I came across a handwritten note  with a great deal of sexual  innuendo and it was not directed  to me . This totally shocked me . The note was written about  10 years ago. I asked him to explain the note  and of  course, he denied  he wrote it  and became very agitated, claiming  he  always  had been faithful  in our marriage .
After being an understanding  wife  all these years, I now have to question  whether he can  be trusted  What should I do ? He will never go to a marriage  counselor 
Upset 
Dear  Upset ,
This note  is 10 years  old and doesen't  say  very much . Your husband  is not likely to admit  to anything  and in fact, there may be nothing  to confess . Either  forgive  his failings  and concentrate  on the good  marriage  you claim to have had  or get into counseling  for yourself  and decide  what  your  next move is. I think the note is not evidence of betrayal  and you should let it  go .
Maxy 

Dear Maxy ,
My 50-year-old  son was just divorced  for the second time . I love both of  his exes  as friends  and they are  nice women . But he told me  not to speak  to them anymore .
I never thought his divorcing his wives  meant  they divorced  the rest of the family . I love  my son, but I don't like his demand. What is  your advice ?
Nantucket
Dear Nantucket ,
I dislike it when people issue demands  to others  about  who their friends can be. Are there grandchildren involved ? If so, inform your  son that it is necessary  to maintain a civil relationship with his exes for the sake of the children . Otherwise, determine  what  the consequences  will be . If your son  threatens  to cut off  contact  with you  if you communicate  with his  exes, you might  choose to stop .
Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
I learned  that my best friend  is gay . We have been  friends  for something like 10 years . I am so angry  that she didn't  feel like  she could tell me . I have never been judgmental about  the way other people live . She  mentioned  it the other day because she said she wanted to introduce  me to her girlfriend . I didn't realize  she meant "girlfriend" like that but when she introduced  her, they were holding hands . It was such an awkward moment . Why didn't  she tell me before ? And what  should I say to her ? I feel like she betrayed me by not confiding in me .
Left Out 
Dear Left Out ,
Who knows what was in your  friend's head ? Only  she does . You need to ask her . Make a time  when you can  get together   and be up-front . Tell her  your  feelings  are hurt  that she  has never told  you she was gay and it was uncomfortable  learning  the way  you did . Tell her  you love her  and trust her and feel she left you out  of a very important  part of her life. Encourage  her to tell  you why . If you can talk through this, your friendship  may be able to strengthen .
Maxy