My husband and I have been married for more than 50 years and once had a very enjoyable and compatible sex life, even though my husband didn't want any children and refused to discuss it .
After 27 years of wedded bliss, my husband had major surgery. He developed erectile dysfunction and became afraid of dying. Our sex life ended . But he was so depressed and began drinking heavily, especially when he retired early for health reasons .
Recently, while going through some paperwork, I came across a handwritten note with a great deal of sexual innuendo and it was not directed to me . This totally shocked me . The note was written about 10 years ago. I asked him to explain the note and of course, he denied he wrote it and became very agitated, claiming he always had been faithful in our marriage .
After being an understanding wife all these years, I now have to question whether he can be trusted What should I do ? He will never go to a marriage counselor
Upset
Dear Upset ,
This note is 10 years old and doesen't say very much . Your husband is not likely to admit to anything and in fact, there may be nothing to confess . Either forgive his failings and concentrate on the good marriage you claim to have had or get into counseling for yourself and decide what your next move is. I think the note is not evidence of betrayal and you should let it go .
Maxy
Dear Maxy ,
My 50-year-old son was just divorced for the second time . I love both of his exes as friends and they are nice women . But he told me not to speak to them anymore .
I never thought his divorcing his wives meant they divorced the rest of the family . I love my son, but I don't like his demand. What is your advice ?
Nantucket
Dear Nantucket ,
I dislike it when people issue demands to others about who their friends can be. Are there grandchildren involved ? If so, inform your son that it is necessary to maintain a civil relationship with his exes for the sake of the children . Otherwise, determine what the consequences will be . If your son threatens to cut off contact with you if you communicate with his exes, you might choose to stop .
Maxy
Dear Maxy ,
I learned that my best friend is gay . We have been friends for something like 10 years . I am so angry that she didn't feel like she could tell me . I have never been judgmental about the way other people live . She mentioned it the other day because she said she wanted to introduce me to her girlfriend . I didn't realize she meant "girlfriend" like that but when she introduced her, they were holding hands . It was such an awkward moment . Why didn't she tell me before ? And what should I say to her ? I feel like she betrayed me by not confiding in me .
Left Out
Dear Left Out ,
Who knows what was in your friend's head ? Only she does . You need to ask her . Make a time when you can get together and be up-front . Tell her your feelings are hurt that she has never told you she was gay and it was uncomfortable learning the way you did . Tell her you love her and trust her and feel she left you out of a very important part of her life. Encourage her to tell you why . If you can talk through this, your friendship may be able to strengthen .
Maxy
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