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Friday, August 16, 2013

Is Your Kid Being Bullied.?...What to Watch for

Is your kid being bullied?

Is your kid being bullied?For any parent, that first day of sending your child off to school can be positively nerve-wracking. Will my child make friends? Will he do OK in school? What will he do without me all day? And most kids do adapt to school well - falling into a normal and healthy school routine mere weeks after starting school for the first time. But for some, school can turn into a frightening place.

Years ago, it was thought that teasing was just a natural part of growing up. But over the past few decades, we have realized that teasing can have lasting effects, and if teasing turns into full-on bullying, the effects can be much worse. So how do you know if your child has become a victim of bullying? Here are some signs to look out for:

1. Is your child suddenly coming home from school very hungry? Often, bullies will take a child's lunch or his lunch money. Is he missing items, such as school supplies or clothing, with no explanation? Sometimes bullies will take these items as a means of intimidation.

2. Is your child afraid to ride on the school bus? The bus to and from school can be a bullying hot spot since no teachers are present and the bus driver is preoccupied with (we hope) driving.

3. Is your child running to the bathroom right when he gets home? The bathroom can also be a prime bullying spot (since there's only one way in and one way out and it's hidden from teachers), so much so that a child who's being bullied might avoid going to the bathroom during the school day altogether.

4. Is your child suddenly withdrawn, unexplainably moody or upset, or anxious? Does he seem clingy at the beginning of the day or say he doesn't want to go to school a lot? Is he suddenly having trouble sleeping? All of these, as well any marked changes in your child's personality, can be a sign that something is up.

It's important to note that kids don't always feel comfortable going to their parents with concerns about what's been happening at school, and it's hard for parents of bullying victims to know that something is even going on. That's why it's critical to get into the habit of talking to your child about their day and communicating with them about their daily life on a regular basis. This way, if something does come up, you're more likely to notice a difference in what they say, or how they say it. Oftentimes a child will tell you more with their body language than with their words.

It's also important to note that a child can experience the effects of bullying without being physically bullied. Kids (girls especially) can be ruthless to each other - excluding each other and making other kids feel left out and alone. An excellent book to learn more about dealing with this topic is "Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls" by Rachel Simmons.

If you do suspect a problem, speak up, either directly with your child's teacher or an administrator. Often the school doesn't even know what's going on, and it's good to enlist everyone's help early, since bullying can turn severe quickly. Luckily, in many schools today, bullying seems to be a buzzword and one that teachers are often trained in workshops to identify and deal with. Find out if your school has an active anti-bullying program in place and if not, work to get one in order. Our kids will have enough reality to deal with later on in life - it's important that we help to make their schools as fun, safe and warm an environment as possible.
Remember, the effects of bullying can follow your children into adulthood and could determine the path they follow and some of the important decisions they make.

3 comments:

  1. Jeannie,
    Great post .
    I wrote some guidelines , issue them to each school (kindergarten thru high school), they are to make copies and send home with each child , bullying really gotten out of hand .
    Tell me what you think ?

    What can I do when my child is being bullied?

    If you suspect that your child is being bullied at school, then you need to trust your instincts. Schools are a great place for bullies to build their reputation of power and control.


    First, let your child know that you believe that something is wrong. Don't try to "bully" the information out of your child. Be patient. Promise that you will not make the situation worse. Do not promise to keep it a secret, or that you will not report the problem. Do promise that you will not do anything without your child knowing what you are going to do. Be sure that your child knows that this situation will not get better on it's own, and that appropriate adult intervention is needed.


    Second, contact the school, once you know what the issue is. Before identifying yourself, ask what the school's policy is on keeping kids safe once they have reported a bullying incident. Do not give out any information until you have a satisfactory answer to that question. If the school does not have an answer for you, ask when can you call to get an answer. Do not go charging into the school demanding justice. This will only make the situation worse for your child, and will likely embarrass him or her.


    Third, set up a meeting to problem solve your way through this situation with your child and members of the school faculty, including the teacher and the counselor. Your goal must be getting this situation solved, rather than seeking revenge. This is a highly emotional time for parents, and there is NOTHING tougher than seeing your child hurting because of another's actions. Your child deserves to feel safe and welcome at school. Be sure to keep that the focus in the meeting.


    Finally, once a plan has been set, check in with your child regularly, and the school periodically. Keep in touch with all of the support people. Trust your instincts with your child, and let the school know if the plan is not working,

    Don't want Baby giving the schools her opinion on bullying her babies (smiling)

    Just my humble opinion

    ReplyDelete
  2. Gil,
    Those are excellent guidelines to follow. And I liked that you recommend making the child part of the process.

    Most parents would just head straight to the school and demand action.

    That's the very reason kids don't tell their parents they are being bullied...They don't wish to be humiliated further or exacerbate the bullying. They also don't want to be fingered as a tattle-tale.

    If the faculty is able handle the problem, it's better to let them do their job. I also agree regular communication with the school is important once a plan is outlined, to make sure they hold up their end.

    I felt that because most children don't talk about being bullied, parents should know what to look for. There are lots of red flags.

    The schools are very aware of the increase in bullying. And this is more aggressive bullying than I remember as a kid...sometimes they travel in mobs.
    The bullies need counceling as much as the victim. As you say, solution is the object...not revenge.

    May I use your guidelines as a follow-up post?

    PS: At least Baby's heart is in the right place.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Jeannie,
    Of course you may , the more people involved the better chances of getting the word out .

    I love Baby and my dad dearly but when it comes to my kids they are both holy terrors, I do so think you are aware of what I mean (smiling).

    ReplyDelete

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