Ask Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
I left my hometown when I was 19 and have lived in a nearby state  for the past 27 years . Two of my children are grown  and on their own  and my youngest  currently lives  with my ex-husband overseas .
My mother is now in her 70s  and has many medical problems, lives alone and rarely leaves the house . I am also in a long-distance relationship with a man that lives near my mother .
I am planning to move back to my home state  to help my mother  and also pursue this relationship . However, I am torn  between  moving back there  and being able  to see my children who live in various places . It breaks my heart for my mother to be all alone . I also feel this man is "the one," and I want to see him .

Maxy, I spent nearly 30 years caring for my kids , I plan to see them every few months  and create a visitation schedule  for my son  to be with me . Am I being selfish to move away ?
Torn

Dear Torn,
Absolutely not .
You are not abandoning young children . Your kids no longer live with you, so you are free  to go where you wish . As long as you can visit your children and work out a time for your youngest  to be with you, you are under no obligation  to remain  in your current home .
You have spent  27 years taking  care of your kids  and now you are going  to take care of your mother . You deserve to also take care of yourself .
Maxy

Dear Maxy,
I recently invited  some friends  to my home  for an informal Suppey supper .
We've known each one another  for 10 years  and usually go out to restaurants . This is the first  time we've had them over to our home .
Since then , I have not received  any kind of invitation  from them . Worse, one of them recently  said they had such a good time  that we should do it again . But no one volunteered to use their home .
I have done a lot of entertaining in the past, and going over my guest lists, I realize that very few people  have returned  the favor . Before my husband died last year, he said flat out he was tired of entertaining  people who do nothing for us in return . One of our neighbors was invited twice to our home  and I have yet to be inside her home . Is reciprocity some old social  rule that no longer exists ?
Still  Waiting

Dear Still ,
No, but many people no longer feel obligated  to follow  any social rules at all . We think your particular problem is home entertainment . Too many people  are embarrassed by the condition of their houses  or by their cooking skills . They don't realize  that their friends  aren't interested  in comparing  furniture  and appetizers . They simple  want to enjoy  the company . The solution  for you is to entertain in your home  only those who will reciproate .
Maxy

Dear Maxy,
A young woman at my job  has been  wearing skirts and dresses  recently  that are see-through . In the regular office  light  you can't tell , but in the sunlight  or any strong light  you can see  right through them  to her underwear . I know I am kind of old fashioned  ... I still wear  slips when they are called for . I want to tell this young woman  how sheer  some of these garments  are so that she can at least decide  if a slip is worth considering . She doesn't seem like the kind of person who wants  people looking at her privates, but men at work  definitely do when she is not looking .
Peek-a-Boo

Dear Peek-a-Boo ,
As you already know this  young woman  may not welcome  your comments . Share them any way ... privately . Pull her aside  and explain  that you have something sensitive  you want  to share  with her . Tell her  that sometimes you can see  her underwear through her skirts  and dresses . Acknowledge that you weren't sure  if she was aware  of it and recommend  that she consider  a slip  when wearing  sheer garments . Leave it at that unless  she asks  you for specifics about which clothes you mean . If she asks, tell her .
Maxy