Ask Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
I am in college  and I am in a relationship with a great guy. However , there is one huge problem : He is a Mormon , and he wants me  to become a Mormon as well . I have always  respected him  and his beliefs  because I love him , but I do not want to convert .
Deep down I find the religion somewhat comical . How do I tell him that I do not want to convert ? I am afraid it can ruin the relationship  and I fear that this will cause us to break up .
Not Religious
Dear Not Religious ,
As you contemplate your next steps , it is very important  for you to be  respectful of your boyfriend's religion . Right now  you are being judgmental , which is a surefire  way to end  your relationship .
I can tell you that many  people who are deeply religious  urge  their partners  to convert  to their religion . There is merit  in that ... it's easier  to build  a family  with shares values . Though you are in college  , since you are getting  serious  with this young man  you need to consider  what you what your future to look like . What are your values ? What is important to you  in a relationship ? As you think of family ? As you consider  how you want to live your life , talk to your boyfriend  about it . Whether  he ends up being the one  or not  , it is smart  for you  to be open  and honest  about who you are  and what matters to you .
Ask him  about his beliefs . Get him to talk to you about  his religion , what he believes and why . Without judgment , listen to see if there is common ground .
Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
One of my best friends  is reallly close  with a girl I hate . She is inconsiderate  , obnoxious and condescending . Everone  else  who is also friends  with my best friend  cannot stand  the\is friend either . Recently , my best friend asked  why I always aviod activities  when we are  in a group setting . I don't know how to tell her that I want  to avoid  this girl .
Alienated
Deear Alienated ,
Why not tell your friend the truth ? She may nnot realize  how uncomfortable  you and other friends  are  because of the other person's behavior . Let her know that  you do not like being  in this person's company  because  of her attitude . I would suggest  that there  is no reason  why you cannot speak  directly  to this other person . What you are now doing  is bottling  up negative enegry  about her . Saying that you "hate" her  is strong . Let go  of the hate  and empower  yourself  by speaaking  up to her  the next time  she says something  inappropriate  or insulting . Ask her to stop with the disparaging  comments  or keep her distance .
Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
Last week , I walked into our computer room  to see my husband  trying desperately to hit the delete button  and get rid of an email  he did not want me to see . I managed to glance at the woman's name , however , and asked  him who it was . Well , she is the one I suspected  he hooked  up with at his 50th class reunion . There was about five hours  during  the weekend  that he could not account for .
His 95-year-old mother knows this woman  and says , "She such  a nice girl  and married , she would never do such a thing." And she says the same  about my husband  . I don't believe this . My husband can't keep his hands off  the waitresses  at our  favorite  restaurant  and he ogles every woman that past by .
I won't be going  to my 50th class reunion . I can't leave  him alone for a second  and I certainly don't want him running  off with one of my classmates. I don't want to go out of my house anymors  . What should I do ?
Humiliated Wife
Dear Humiliated Wife ,
Your husband  is in his late 70s. In some instances  , as a person ages  , early signs  of dementia  start to show up  and one of them  is the lost of inhibition . Unless your husband  has exhibited  such behavior  during your entire marriage  , I believe his problem  is age  related . This doesn't make it less irritating  or worrisome , but it's possible  he could be helped by seeing  his doctor  . Insist  that he make  an appointment  and go with him .
Maxy