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Thursday, May 30, 2013

Ask Maxy

Dear Maxy,
I have three wonderful young adult children . The oldest 2  girls both recently graduated  from college  and are living at home  working and saving money .
The girls were not particularly interested  in dating  until recently .
The oldest met a guy  at work  and has fallen hard . She's always been family oriented , but for the pass three months  , all she wants  to do is be with this guy 24/7 . She spends  most nights  at his place  and we don't see her at all on the weekends .
This behavior does not sit well with me . I don't think it's a good idea to spend the night with your boyfriend  so early in the relationship . I also don't like she ddisregards her family , especially her younger sister  with whom she had a special relationship .
My position is , if she's still living at home , she should come home to sleep . She can run round with this guy the rest of the day .
I understand I may have some old fashioned values  , but allowing my daughter  to live  with her boyfriend  on a part-time basis shows no respect  for my position  and is hard for me  to swallow . I normally have a great relationship with her , but I haven't seen or spoken to her in more that three weeks .
I'm concerned  that if I ask her to have dinner  with us  more often  and spend time wirh rhen family on weekends  , she will resent it and it willl make  matters worse .Am I out of line ?
Concerned Dad
Dear Dad,
be careful , Dad . Your daughter is now a grown woman . The lack of prior dating could be one reason why she is so over the moon  for the new boyfriend .You apparently don't object to her having sex . You simply miss the girl  she used to be .
It's OK for you to say you don't wish to subsidize  her living  with her boyfriend  , but I hope you will do so in a loving way , letting her know  you miss her at dinnertime . But I also recommend  you invite the boyfriend to join  you for meals  and weekend activities . This will not only encourange  your daughter's participation , but it will not only  encourange your daughter's participation , but it will allow  you to get to know the man who may become your son-in-law .

Dear Maxy,
My oldest sister is very selfish . She has three children  but never wants to spend time with them . My sister is in her early forties  and acts as if she is 16 . She is only concerned  with herself  and what others can do for her .
She and her husband  are always going out  and foisting their children on everyone else . When we don't watch her  kids , she gets angry and then tells the kids we don't love them . Unfortunately , my sister  lives in the same town as my parents . I'll like to visit my folks , but I'll like to avoid my sister . Is that wrong ?
Helpless Sibling
Dear  Sibling ,
I know it will be difficult  , but I urge you to remain civil  to your sister  for the sake of her children . They need you . Since you don't live nearby , her selfishness  should be manageable  in small does  on rare occasions . Please try .

Dear Maxy ,
I am in an inter-racial relationship . I date  a black woman  with kids . We've been together for almost two years  and my family doesn't agree with the relationship .
They think we should break up . We really love each other  and her family seems to like me  and is accepting  of the relationship . My family doesn't feel the same way  and wishes things was different . I don't know what to do . Any suggestions ?
Dear Heartbroken,
It is embarrassing  to learn that peiople  in our country  continue  to have discriminatory thoughts  and feeling  about people of other  races . I can only imagine how challenging  this is for you .
Because  it is your family  that is against your relationship , I can see  how tough it must be  for you to build  your relationship and have peace .
You need to figure out what you want . If you believe that you  , your girlfriend  and her children  have a future  together , claim that  and let your family know .

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