Ask Maxy

Dear Maxy,
Since my husband discovered that his parents are first cousins , he's been having an emotinal crisis . I was the one that uncovered  the secret when I was doing research for a genealogy study to be presented as a gift .
I have given my in-laws  many opportunities  to absolve  themselves  of their deception  , but I must  have been too subtle  to make myself clear .I don't expect an answer from you  because I've tried  to contact numerous others concerning  this subject , and it appears to be taboo .
Need Help
Dear Need Help ,
Your in-laws may have done nothing  that requires  "absolving." Marriage beween first cousins  are legal in 20 states  and is permitted  in 6 others  depending on the circumstances . In biblical times , marriage between first cousins was commonplace.
Instead of sweeping this under the rug  and watching  your husband freak out  , please talk to your in-laws directly . Say you found  this information  while researching  the family tree . Let them discuss  it frankly  so their son  can learn  to accept  what's already happened  and put it behind him . There's no reason  for this to become a major crisis . If you are planning to have children , you might consider genetic counseling now  that you have a complete family history .
Maxy

Dear Maxy,
My adult son  has a large dark , textured birthmark on his right cheek . We believe it has caused him to lose out on job opportunities . He has  been trying  without success to get a job for four years . He is a hard worker  , punctual and trustworthy .
He has pounded  the pavement  looking for work  and gone online  and applied  for more than 200 jobs .
A friend of my son's said privately that he would hire him  but looking at "that thing" on his face makes him sick . My question to you is ; Are ther plastic surgeons  out there  who would help my son by removing  this birtmark at a very low cost ? He has no income  and we are not in a position  right now  to help him financially .
Grateful Mom
Dear Grateful Mom,
Your son may qualify for medicaid , in which  case  a plastic surgeon may be able to remove  the skin growth at no cost if it's potentially malignant.
Check at medicaid.gov to see whether yor son is covered in his state . He also  should check  his local hospitals  and medical schools . Some surgeons  and hospitals have been know  to generously donate  their skills  and facilities for low-income patients.
In the meantime  , I suggest he visit his local pharmacy ot department  store  and ask about cosmetics  that will cover  the birtmark . IOr he could try two products  we have recommended  in the past ; Dermablend (dermablend.com) and Covermark (covermark.com) .
Maxy

Dear Maxy,
What do you do when you're in a relationship but you want  to start dating  again? I met this man on Facedbook , and  I would like to take him out for his birthday.
He is handsome  and he is someone  whom I can see myself having a relationship .
We started to coorrespond  via email  for a few weeks until we exchange phone numbers . Talking on the phone is just easier . My male friend liked  the idea of going out for his birthday .
During one of out numerous conversations . I told my male friend I was married  and that my husband  and I have been separated  for 15 years . To my surprise  , he was taken aback  by the statement . He told me he didn't want a woman who is married . I really like this guy and I want to see what develops from our friendship . What is a woman to do ?
Till Death Do Us Part
Dear Till Death Do Us Part,
I think it is a good thing that a man does not want to date a woman who is married . That you are separated  is different from married  and you admit  that you are not planning  to get divorced  anytime soon .
Why is that ? Are you benefiting  in some way from  being married  to your husband  even though you have not been together for years ?
You are living in that space  of having your cake and eating it too . You are lonely  and want companionship  , but you are not legally  available  to receive it . You may want  to thank this suiter  for making  your dilemma  so obvious . Do yourself a favor . Take care of first things first . Clear the way  to have  a healthy new relationshil .
Maxy