Ask Maxy

Dear Maxy ,

My dad remarried a year ago , about the time I left for college . She was nice and made my dad happy , so I am happy .

I came home for summer vacation along with my brother , who was also away at school . During our time home , everything changed , My stepmom now thinks she has the final say in our family . She is constantly getting on me and my brother about everything . I'm trying to make do since I;ll be leaving for school in a month , but it can be unbearable at times . I;m afraid I'm going to break any second , and I don't want to hurt my dad .

What sould I do or say ?

Friction at Home

Dear Friction at Home ,

Getting along with a step-parent takes time . It is natural for you and your brother to bristle over the way your stepmother is behaving , yet her behavior should not be a surprise .

She is playing the same role your mother did for all her years , which is something your father probably has asked her to do .

You should work to establish a relationship with your stepmother . Rather than resign yourself to just "making do," ask her if you can have a candid conversation . Tell her that you are happy that she and your father found each other and are building a life together . Explain that you would like to get to know her better .

Speak to your father as well so that he understands your point of view . Because he was never the one to stand up in these situations , though , it's not likely that he is going to be the assertive one now . A book that may inspire you is ....

"Stepmothers and Stepdaughters ... by Karen L . Annarino

Dear Maxy ,

I am living with a man whose wife dired three years ago . Yet nearly all her clothes and other personal effects are still in the house .

How should I tactfully ask him to take care if this ? It bothers me , but due to the sensitive nature of the situation , I hate to make a big issue out of it .

No Name

Dear No Name ,

Are her personal effects still in the house because he can't bear to part with them or because the job is too overwhelming ? Ask gently wnether he would like your help packing up these things (not "getting rid" of them ). If he has children , perhaps they would like to go through her belongings and select items that have meaning for them . If he seems reluctant , don't press . You can ask again in a few monyha . And once you get started , please don't appear to be overly eager . You must trat this situation with the respect it deserves .

Maxy

Dear Maxy ,

My office mate went on a planned vacation and had a great time , so great that she stayed an extra week and a half . When she returned , she didn't apologize for her delay in returning . Instead , she chastised me for not completing a project on time . Well , I needed her participation . She had a big role in this . I feel like I need to address the situation . I'm not mad that she had a good vacation , but I am upset that she shirked her responsibilities and is now blaming me for her actions .

Teed OFF

Dear Teed Off ,

By all means , talk to your office mate about what happen . You can genuinely apologize for missing the deadline because she did not do her part . Review the timeline that you two had established , and point out where you see discrepancies .

State the obvious .... That your office mate overstayed her her vacation and , in turn , was not at the office and focused on the work that she needed to handle .

Acknowledge that time off is important but that doing what you agree to do for your job is of equal value .

Maxy