5 Ways to test if your relationship will last

Are there long-range warning signals that a relationship isn’t going to work out - or that a new partner is Mr or Mrs Right?

There’s a surprisingly large amount of proper scientific research into the subject, often based on large-scale observation of real couples.

The key to whether things work out is rarely to do with physical problems, shared interests, or indeed star signs - it’s how couples talk.

Here are a few signs that things are (probably) going to work out.

How often does your partner say, ‘Thank you’?

The key to whether relationships last over the long haul might be the frequency with which your other half says two little words.

Not ‘I love you’, but, ‘Thank you.’

Researchers at the University of Georgia interviewed 468 married people - and found that gratitude was a key ingredient in making marriages work.

‘We found that feeling appreciated and believing that your spouse values you directly influences how you feel about your marriage, how committed you are to it, and your belief that it will last,’ said professor Ted Futris.

Does your partner tend to listen - or dismiss what you say?

Mathematician Hannah Fry observed hundreds of couples, monitoring everything from facial expressions to blood pressure, believes a simple formula dictates whether couples are ‘high risk’.

Fry believes that if couples react negatively to each other all the time - for instance by dismissing or ignoring what the other says, the entire relationship can be poisoned.

Fry says such negative relationships hit a ‘tipping point’. She says, ‘In relationships where both partners consider themselves as happy, bad behaviour is dismissed as unusual.

‘In negative relationships, however, the situation is reversed. Bad behaviour is considered the norm.

‘A husband, for instance, might think his wife’s grumpiness is 'typical’, due to her 'selfishness’ or other negative personality trait.’

Does your partner’s voice often sound strained?

Researchers at the University of Utah believe that there are clues hidden in people’s tone of voice - and that listening to people’s tone is more important than WHAT people say.

The researchers built an algorithm which can predict whether couples will stay together with 80% accuracy - better than human relationship counsellors.

Researchers at the USC Viterbi School of Engineering and the University of Utah recorded hundreds of conversations from over 100 couples over the course of two years.

The computer programme analyzed couple’s tone of voice using pitch, intensity and ‘jitter’ - which can indicate emotional strain.

They found that analyzing people’s impact on each other could predict whether they would split up - more accurately than human relationship experts.

Does your relationship have a lot of ups and downs?

Couples whose relationships have a lot of dramatic ups and downs are MORE likely to split up even that couples who argue.

Brian Ogolsky from the University of Illinois’s study of 382 couples found that ups and downs are the most accurate predictor of couples splitting up.

Ogolsky says there are four ‘types’ of couple - dramatic couples (34%), whose relationship goes up and down, conflict-ridden couples (12%), who often argue, partner-focused couples (30%), who spend lots of time together and focus on each other, and socially involved couples (19%), with a lot of interactions with family and friends.

Ogolsky found, surprisingly, that conflict-ridden couples AREN’T the most likely to split up - the most likely to split up are dramatic couples

Does your partner put your needs first - or their own?

A study led by Brian Ogolsky from the University of Illinois found four distinct ‘patterns’ in the way couples interacted over a nine-month period.

Ogolsky tracked the progress of 376 couples in their mid-twenties - in terms of their ‘commitment to wed’.

The most likely to wed are ‘partner-focused’ couples - where the two people think of each other’s needs, Ogolsky said.

‘People in these couples had the highest levels of conscientiousness, which suggests that they are very careful and thoughtful about the way they approach their relationship choices.’
 How did your relationship rate? It is surprisingly easy to love someone and be loved but you have to take a risk. You have to put your heart into it, be open and vulnerable. The risk is that you will be hurt, heart broken or rejected.
The world has become a more brutal place than I remember as a young girl. People are more afraid to wear their hearts on their sleeves these days or allow themselves to be so vulnerable. I find that quite sad.