After 31 years of marriage, my son-in-law decided he was unhappy and wrote his own divorce papers. My daughter read them and made a couple of changes and the divorce became final last year. My ex-son-in-law was never a good provider and his indiscretions are far too numerous to list . However he still calls and come over all the time. They have two adult sons who have not been told that they are legally divorced .
Yesterday , I got a call from my daughter asking if I had sent him a birthday card . I replied ,"No, I don't consider him part of the family ." She said , "Well, he is the father of your grandsons ." Did I do wrong ?
Annoyed Grandma
Dear Grandma ,
You are not obligated to send your ex-son-in-law a birthday card, but he was a member of your family for 31 years and probably still wants to be treated as such . And if your daughter wants you to send him a card, it would be a kindness to do so . But one of them should notify the children of their parents' legal status .
Maxy
Dear Maxy ,
I need your help . I am a single mother of three children and my oldest daughter recently had a baby girl . Now I have four children to take care off, and I need a way to keep my 10-year-old and 3-year-old's spirits high while I take care of my oldest daughter and her baby girl . I know the transition will be challenging . Do you have advice on how to raise these children without pulling my hair out ?
Do Not Know What to Do
Dear Do Not Know What To Do ,
One step at a time is all you can do. That and get super organized . Everyone in your home needs to have responsibilities, including the 3-year-old . It's best if some of their duties involve the baby because the little ones are likely jealous now that there is someone taking so much of your attention away from them ... in their young minds, anyway .
Prehaps the 3-year-old can help bring wipes when mom is changing the baby . One can bring the bottle over after an adult has heated it on the stove . Pick little duties that will make the children feel important in the family . Also, schedule time to help them with their homework and talk to them at night before they go to sleep . Listen to them as they share their thoughts about the new family dynamics. Meanwhile, teach your new mom how to be a mom and how to behave responsibly now that she has brought a child into the world .
Next, get help . Build a village with friends, family and neighbors so that you are not taking care of your family alone . Ask them to help you entertain the children . Finally, do something for yourself . Take a long hot bath at night . Take a long walk in your neighborhood . Take a few minutes each day for yourself .
Maxy
Dear Maxy,
It snowed really badly the other day and I ended up not being able to attend my friend's party because it was too dangerous to go outside . I called my friend to apologize in advance . He basisally hung up on me saying I was a wuss for not braving the weather to come to his birthday party . I couldn't believe it . Where I live, which is in a rural area , nobody cleaned the streets and they were covered with ice . Some power lines went down I think my friend was out of line in being so rude to me . How can I address this to him ?
Over It
Dear Over It ,
Call your friend . Ask him how his party went . Remind him that you were unable to come due to the weather. Tell him directly that you were offended by the way he spoke to you . Tell him you thought your friendship was more valuable than that . Now the ball is in his court .
Maxy
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