Genie's Brain Farts

WHY YOU SHOULD VOTE FOR NOBODY

 

I always wondered: If you arrest a mime, do you still have to tell him he has the right to remain silent?

We recently switched cable and internet services and had to call  the company to get a serviceman to come back and fix the glitches. I swear they answered, " Thank you for calling Bell. My name is Habib Akmed Mufassa Osama Akmed Habib Flipyouoffa. How may I misunderstand and piss you off today???..... Or did I just imagine that??

I thought it was rather ironic when I saw a photo of a group of pro-lifers throwing eggs at an abortion clinic. I laaaffed!

10 reasons why men are lazy:

Q. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have?

A. Very large hands.

Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
A. No problem, since you'll never find an elephant with one hand.

Why is that people, so often, get the words, "f**k off" confused with the words "please continue"....Hmmmm???

I feel guilty when I procrastinate so I am turning over a new leaf tomorrow....or maybe next week.

Scientists say that sperm has more life in it than blood. If that were true, wouldn't vampires suck........never mind .
            
I have never made a 'Bucket List' but my 'F*** It List' is a mile long.

Sometimes Brian's conversation is so long and boring, I think I slip into a coma . When I come out of it, three weeks have passed and he is still on the same topic.

 I don't give a damn about anything lately. I just checked  my calendar  and I won't give a rat's ass on Monday either.
I said to Brian, " I am sorry I called your first wife a tramp. I didn't know it was a secret".

Let's express our friendship by always texting each other and never actually talking in person .          

People always say, "He died penniless", as if it's a terrible thing. I always think, "That guy had good timing".

 Ladies...You know right away if  your date is stingy when, instead of buying you a drink, he offers you a sip of his.... Watch for that.

I keep a strand of Brian's hair in a locket. Brian is still alive but his hair passed away.

My husband thinks an erection counts as personal growth.
 If you live in the suburbs,  you know that they rip out all the trees then name the streets after them.

I think stress is when  you wake up screaming then realize you haven't been to sleep yet .

I often think the world has too many freaks and not enough circuses.

As I often say to Brian, " I don't think you're a jack-ass but what's my opinion compared to thousands of others?"
 Am I ambivalent... you ask ?? Well, yes and no. But I am not crazy, I 've just been in a bad mood most of my life. Neither am I tense, just extremely, extremely alert. And I promise to miss you, if you will just go away...Goodbye!