I'm so tired of being the only one in my family who takes responsibility for anything . I am the youngest child who makes the most money . I have been helping out my siblings for years . I pay for one niece's college tuition . I pay for my brother's mortgage several months out of the year , whenever he does not have steady employment . I feel like the family ATM , but whenever I stop helping them , they all accuse me of being selfish.
I actually enjoy helping my family in some ways , but I do not appreciate them thinking that it is my responsibility to take them for a free ride . How can I create a better balance ?
Feeling Used
Dear Feeling Used ,
You are in a predicament that is common in many families . The one or ones with means often help those that is less fortunate . And as you already know , the fine line can be difficult to navigate between being of help and enabling . What you may want to do is invest in a financial planner who works with you and with your family members . You can determine what you will do for yourself for now and your future including a finite amount of money that you will give to your love ones . For them , the planner can help them figure out how to be more stable in their financial dealing so that they can learn to live within their means and establish independence .
Maxy
Dear Maxy ,
"We are here ! We are here !" This is a gentle suggestion to consider reminding your readers that they can contact their local YWCA for help with many of the issues you address in your column .
The YWCA has been in existence since 1858 . Each branch embraces the following mission : "YWCA is dedicated to eliminating racism , empowering women and promoting peace , freedom , and dignity for all ."
As an example , our local YWCA provides shelter for victims of domestic violence and sexual assault . Please let your readers know they can contact their local YWCA when they need help .
Jennifer Graf and Heather Farwell , co-chairs YWCA Clinton Iowa
Dear Jennifer Graf and Heather Farwell ,
I am happy to recommend that my readers contact the YWCA , as well as other service and counseling agencies I often mention . Your organization does have a wonderful for the community , I appreciate the reminder .
Maxy
Dear Maxy ,
I was married for 20 years when my husband left me for another woman .
At first I was upset , but in the intervening years , I have changed my mind .
"Please print this for her ."
Dear Other Woman.
I bet you thought you was a winner when my husband left me for you .
You have dealt with his drinking , pot smoking , heart disease , emphysema , baldness , toothless smile , erectile dysfunction and bad moods .
You had to support him because he was chronically unemployed and now you are his nursemaid 24/7 .
Because of you , I have had the freedom to love , live and travel . I also drive a new car and paid off a home he didn't want . I have enjoyed children and grandchildren . I thank you . You may have saved my life .
Women if you think that man that you wants that belongs to someone else is a real prize , you haven't seen the whole picture .
Grateful Granny
Dear Granny ,
I appreciate your voice of experience .
More importantly , you have underscored that having a man in your life does not determine your level of happiness .
Too many women believe otherwise .
Maxy
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