Ask Maxy

Dear Maxy,
As a military war veteran and someone raised in the midst of inner-center violence, I have learned a great deal  about post-tramatic stress disorder (PTSD). There are many misconceptions about this common and treatable illness and I want to make sure your readers know the truth  about PTSD and how to get help if they need it .
When I got out of the service , I could only sit in certain places . I couldn't be in crowds  or tolerate any kind of loud trafic noise (not easyfor a New Yorker) . I couldn't sit next to a window .If anyone came up behind me to say hello , I would drop them to the ground, expecting an attack .
I didn't recognize this at the time as being PTSD . I know there are many others with stories  like mine  and I want them to know that PTSD is a real illness with real treatment  options . It is also important to know that this doesn't only affect members of the military . Anyone who experiences a traumatic event can develop PTSD.
It wan't easy , but I eventually got  the help I needed  and am in a better place . June 20 is PTSD Screening Day , and June is PTSD Awareness Month . Anyone can go online  and take a free and anonymous screening at (PTSDScreening.org) to see whether their symptoms are consistent with those of PTSD . It can be hard to reach out  and ask for help , but doing so can make a huge difference .
William Terry
Dear Mr. Terry ,
Thank you for sharing your story with the readers . You are correct that anyone who has witnessed or experienced truma can suffer  from PTSD . This includes anyone affected by recent tragedies  such as Sandy Hook , the Boston Marathon and the tornadoes in Oklahoma . The first step to getting help is identifying  the problem .
Maxy

Dear Maxy,
My sweet , kind 33-year-old college-educated husband has regressed into a teenager . He has already been a marijuana user, but a year ago , he befriended "Jack"  and now the two of them smoke marijuana daily . They spend their evenings riding skateboards , playing videos games  and hanging out  with college kids .
I would like to buy a house, have children and further  my education . My husband says he want the same things, but he always have an excuse  for not saving money . We both have good jobs  and he promises to start putting money aside "next month." It never  happens . I know he won't give up pot . Am I wrong to put my foot down  and expect him to grow up ?
Mad as a Mother Hen
Dear Mad ,
You and your husband do not have compatible goals . He wants to be an irresponsible child while you do all the work . And so far, you have gone along with that. Maybe he's afraid to grow up, maybe he's too addicted to pot, maybe he simply a Peter pan . Ask him to come with you to counseling so the two of you can work on a more equitable partnership . If he is unwilling or if nothing changes, there is unwilling or nothing changes, there is no future  here unless you want to spend  the next several years  mothering this grownup child . It's a painful lesson  to learn that love isn't always enough  to turn someone into marriage material .
Maxy

Dear Maxy,
My friend's son married a lovely young woman whose only brother  died  a few years ago . The wife kept her maiden name  after marriage  for professional reasons .
The couple is expecting their first child and the wife would like the baby named after her deceased brother , giving him her last name . Her reasoning is that it would ensure that her family name would be carried on . Her husband has male cousins  who can carry on the family name, but she doesn't .
My friend is in shock, if her son agrees  to this irrational request , she believes her family name stops there . In her mind, cousins do not count  in carrying on one's lineage . However, she doesn't want to cause  a family rift by openly and strongly opposing this possibility . Do you have any suggestions  for her .?
Friend of the family
Dear Friend ,
This is completely up to the couple  and your friend should try to stay out of it . Frankly , the wife has a stronger claim  for carrying on the family name . It's also possible that the couple will have other sons. Plenty of women object to the old-fashioned (and sexist) notion that only the boys count when it comes to lineage . I know your friend is hurt  and disappointed, but if she wants a relationship  with her son , his wife and their child , she needs to put this aside .
Maxy