Dear Maxy,
I have worked for many years at a small family-owned company . I believe my boss has been the victim of a scam, but I can't tell her .
For several years, my boss has been communicating with a gentleman who claims to be nigerian . He keeps telling her he is supposed to come to America in the near future and will bring her a check for $40 million . I don't see it happening . There are three people sending this man money . By now they have probably given him more than $100,000.
When I am at work , my boss asks whether the man has sent any emails , and if not , she wants me to write to him . Every frw weeks he says the trip has to be postponed and then he needs more money .
How do I tell her I don't want to be involved with this any longer ?
Seeing a Scam
Dear Seeing a Scam,
The "Nigerian" scam has been around a very long time and I am surprised people still fall for it . This man will never come to this country with $40 million , but he's certainly doing a good job of collecting money from naive people like your boss . Not only should you stop contacting this man , but you should protect your boss by informing her that this is a scam and she should report it to the FBI office or register a complaint with the Federal Trade Commission . Of course , if she chooses to ignore you and contact him on her own , there is nothing you can do . Some people have to learn the hard way .
Maxy
Dear Maxy ,
I was overweight throughout most of my childhood and became morbidly obese after high school . When I was in college , I had terrible self-esteem and a horrible body image . I never dated .
Three years ago , I had gastric bybass and have since lost more than 200 pounds . I've been trying to start dating , but the individuals I have approached are either seeing someone or are not interested . I tried online dating sites , but the men that responded all live far away , some in other countries and I'm leery of proceeding . I am not sure about the bar scene and unaware of any single groups in my area .
So , I guess I would like some advice on how and where to start relationships .
Out of My Shell
Dear Out of My Shell,
There are better online dating sites that will match you up with men in your area (or at least in the same state) . Try again . You should also ask your friends and relatives to introduce you to available men they know . Local churches and synagogues often have single groups and you should be able to attend some functions without having to be a member . Most importantly , project a confident , positive exterior . Smile > Guys like women who are fun to talk to . And while you are searching for a date , participate in activities that interest you . This will have the added benefit of making you more interesting to be around . Good luck .
Maxy
Dear Maxy ,
Five years ago (after 20 years of marriage), my wife and I separated because she found out that I had been regularly indulging in phone sex and that I had slept with another woman . In addition , I'd made constant demands of her for sex .
When she asked me to leave , I was determined to completely change my life . I sought help and was clicically diagnosed as a sex addict . I entered a 12-step program and had intensive therapy , read voraciously and with the help of God , turned my life around . When I briefly lost my job some years ago , my wife let me move back into our home , but not into our bedroom .
Since then we have slowly rebuilt trust to the point where we date, cuddle and even sleep in the same bed . We share our life and regularly see a couples therapist . She tells me she how I've changed and that she admires the work I've done .
Despite all of this , however , she has repeatedly said that she does not believe she will be willing to have sex with me again .She refuses to discuss the matter , even in therapy . She sees a therapist on her own , but says that working on becoming intimate with me is not a priority .
I would like to keep our family together but I don't know how I can continue in a relationship where sex isn't even allowed to be discussed .
Can people have a healthy relationship without sex ? It feels like our relationship is incomplete . What can I do ?
Loveless
Dear Loveless ,
Married couples can have a good relationship without sex , but only if both partners agree to it . I commend you for doing the necessary work to salvage your marriage .
Unfortunately , your wife still may not trust you entirely , or she may simply uninterested in intimacy . She may also feel that she put up with your philandering for 20 years , so you should give her however much time she needs . There has, in fact , been progress , albeit more slowly than you'd like .
Intimacy and communication are things you should be working on in couple therapy . Please bring both of these issues up at your next session .
Maxy
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Thursday, June 6, 2013
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