Ask Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
Six months ago , I reconnected  with the guy I have loved since grade school ."Thomas"left after graduation to live in another state .
I know he has schizophrenia  , and I'm willing to take the risk . Even though I'm 18  and still in high school  , I plan to become a doctor  . I've done research  and know what  I'm up against. Thomas says  he hears voices  and sees dark figures  , and he snaps sometimes , but it seems like he can  refocus  once I get  him to concentrate on me .
Last Thrusday , Thomas  broke up with me  . He apologized for breaking my heart  , but he says his cchizophrenia  is getting worse , and he fears  he's going to hurt me , Mazy  , Thomas knows I love him  and would do anything for him  . I gave up sleep and time to make sure  he knows I'm always here  . I listen to him  and hold him close  when he gets upset  . I never get mad at him . We have never fought .
I don't want to lose him  again . That happened once  and we didn't speak for three whole years  ! I don't want to go through that emotional turmoil  again . I know people say "too young" to understand  what love is  , but I believe  I have a good idea  . I need advice .
Terri
Dear Terri ,
Thomas is telling  you his schizophrenia  is not underr control  , and he justifiably  worries he could you or himself  . Is he taking antipsychotic  medication ? He will need to do this for the rest of his life  , and there are side effects . Schizophrenics also have an encreased risk of drug and alchol abuse . This is a lot of responsibitily for anyone to take on .
I don't doubt that you care deeply for Thomas  , but you may  be romanticizing  your ability to "save" him . And your determination to have  a relationship creates  pressure that he apparently can't handle . Please put his welfare  first and simply be his friend  with no expectation , and encourage him to stick with appropriate medical treatment .
Maxy

Dear Maxy,
Our son is marrying  a beautiful woman from Mexico . The cost  of the flights  are more than his siblings can afford  , not to mention  the hotels , the dresses , tuxes, showers , parties , etc  . But we will help our kids because  we know our son  would be hurt  if they didn't attend .
The brides family  may put us up  at the hotel , which would be nice  , but I don't want  to look like moochers . Do we still offer to pay for the rehearsal dinner ? We have told our son how much money  we can give them for a wedding gift  , and all of this will deplete hearly all or savings . Any advice ?
Need a Money Tree
Dear Need ,
Please don't spend more than you can afford .Tell your son  you have a budget that will have to cover  all costs  , including  the rehearsal dinner  . If it costs more , he will need to pay for it himself  . It's okay to accept  the offer from the bride's family  to put you up at a hotel  . And it's not unreasonable  to suggest to your son that he and his new bride  have a reception later  in your hometown  for his siblings  and other friends  . We hope he can be reasonable  instead of being hurt .
Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
I'm a single male  who has been seeing  a young lady  for quite some time  . We like each other  , but I have some reservations about our relationship .
There  is a rule  that says you should not commit  to a relationship during major holidays  such as Christmas , Valentine's Day and Thanksgiving  . I know this may sound bizarre , but I don't want to get into a serious  relationship  "title free" , if you know what I mean . What do you think ?
Slightly Committed
Dear Slightly Committed ,
You are letting superstition get the best of you . You don't have to go down on one knee  on any particular holiday  if you don't want to . But also don't make the mistake of believing  some "rule"  whose origin you don't even know  , for fear  that the relationship  will be jinked .
Maxy