Ask Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
My son is bringing his girlfriend home with him for the holidays . We are excited to meet her  and will include her in all our family activities . I have one question ; Should we inform all our family members that she will be coming and suggest they buy gifts for her ? Our family is big on buying gifts and we wouldn't want  her to feel excluded.
Holiday Spirit
Dear Holiday Spirit ,
It's wonderful that you want to make sure your son's girlfriend feel at home . Letting the family know that she will be coming is a fine idea . I don't think you need to encourage them to buy her gifts , though.
The greater gift you can give her is a warm welcome . If some family members choose to give her gifts , that's fine. But they shouldn't be push.
Maxy

Dear Maxy,
What do we when granny is too old to keep driving , but won't stop ?  Any mention of her not getting behind the wheel is met with screaming rage .
Road Worrier
Dear Worrier ,
Suggust that grandma enroll in the AARP DRIVER SAFETY COURSE  (aarp.org)  as a way to brush up on her driving skills .Also check into alternative means of transportation , including local senior transportation , willing family members , etc . If she still won't give up her license and you believe she is  a danger on the road , enlist the help of her doctor , the DMV and if necessary , the police .
Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
Why is it  that the same family members who send out  announcements for weddings , births and graduations never bother to send birtday wishes to the same people from whom they expects gifts ? Many of our family members are on Fac ebook and will drop a quick little "Happy Birthday" message on that person's special day . Yet some of my husband's nieces and nephews don't have time to bother . We have remembered their birthdays and other special occasions year after year . Now that they are all adults  , does it not make sense that they would reciprocate ? To make matters more hurtful , there have been times when we haven't even received a thank-you note for gifts sent . This makes us feel that we'd rather not bother anymore.
We Have Feelings , Too
Dear  FFeeling ,
This is partly poor manners , but it's also an age-gap  issue . Many young adults expect to receive birthday wishes from aunts and uncles  who have known them their entie lives , but they do not realize they should reciprocate .  Instead of assuming this is deliberate hurtfulness , try a wake-up call . Tell them ,"It's my birthday tomorrow ," and let them offer their good wishes . If you send a gift and they don't reply  , ask whether they received it . Give them the chance to develop the manners that apparently didn't sink in when they was younger .
Maxy