Ask Maxy

Dear Maxy,

I have a 35-year-old daughter with two children (ages 13 and 2) , and they all are living with us ,"micki" moved in after leaving her  common-law husband  a few months ago . He was the third man in her life . Since Micki has been home , she has been going out everyweekend . I am "old  school" and I believe she should come home and take care of my grandchildren  . But if I open my mouth my wife will toss me out . It has already happen once before .

This situation is slowing killing me . My wife tells me Micki is still young . I say so what ? That doesn't mean she can go to bed with every Tom , Dick or Harry . I don't know what to do next .

One Step From Leaving

Dear  One Step ,

Micki is not as young as your wife thinks . At 35 , she is closer to middle-aged . Unless your wife wishes to  remain irresponsible , the two of you need to set some ground rules regarding Micki's behavior  . A social night out once a week is fine . A weekend sleeping around is not .

Encourage your wife to put her grandchildren's welfare  first and see if you can come to an agreement regarding Micki's responsibilities at home .

Maxy

Dear Maxy ,

My family is dealing with a sad and disturbing situation . My mother died a few years ago , and a mentally ill sibling is still living with dad . "Joyce" is financially and emotionally exploiting him and is isolating dad from the rest of  the family . The house is full of garbage  and is overrun with mice and bugs  , and yet my father says if it was for Joyce , he would be in a nursing home . I don't understand how he can abandon his children to live in this filth , especially when my mother kept that house spotles . Please tell us what out options are ?

Desperate

Dear  Desperate.

Your father hasn't abandon you . He is frightened and has become dependent on Joyce . Would you are another sibling be willing to take your dad in , at least temporarily, until you can straighten this out ? If you want to wean him away from Joyce's care , you will need to be more directly involved .

Call the  Eldercare  Locator  (eldercare.gov) at 1-800-677-1116 . Explain the situation  and see what services are available .

Maxy

Dear Maxy ,

My best friend and her husband will travel for business next month . They are leaving thier 15-year-old son behind  and would like me to look after him . It's really hard for me to say no to my friend  of 17 years , but I'm a little skeptical about letting this kid into my home . My daughter who goes to school with him , says he is nothing but trouble . What should I do ?

Worried Mom

Dear Worried Mom ,

Why haven't you spoken to your best friend about her son before  now ? I understand not wanting to get into people's business , but this is your best friend .

Now's the time . Tell your friend you have some reservations that probably should have brought to her before . Describe your concerns . Ask if she has ever had issues with him  and how she recommends you take care of him . You two need to talk this out before you make your decision .

Maxy