Ask Maxy

Dear Maxy,

My sister is in her early  30s and is getting  married for the first time . Due to budget restraints , they are having a small wedding  and reception. Only the immediate family will be there .

As the matron-of-honor , I would like to give her a proper shower . However I am uneasy that many of  my sisters friends and acquaintances are not invited to the wedding . Is it proper to ask them to attend a shower ?

Sister of the Bride

Dear Sister ,

It is inappropriate to invite people to the shower  if they are not invited to the wedding . However , if the wedding is only immediate family , it is okay to invite a few close friends to the shower , provided you inform them in advance that the wedding itself  is family only  . Of course , the best solution is for the bridal couple to have an inexpensive , informal party a few weeks later so that those not invited to the actual wedding still  can feel included .

Maxy

Dear Maxy.

I hooked up with a guy with whom I am friends , he is very attractive and smart and nice , and I like him . But I don't know if it will turn into something more . How can I ensure that he thinks of me in a romantic way and not just as a hookup partner ?

Lillian

Dear Lillian,

If only you could go back to just before you hooked up with this guy , life could be simpler , I know . But here you are . It can be extremely difficult to navigate a friendship afterward .

You can sit back and watch to see what clues he offers about what's next, but that will likely feel extremely uncomfortable . Instead , speak to him directly . Tell him that while you enjoyed your hookup ,  you hope he knows that you truly care for him  and would like to pursue a real relationship . Could that scare him ? Sure , but you'll never know if you don't say something .

Maxy

Dear Maxy,

"Showerless in  Yuma" said her retired military husband refused to shower or get a haircut . You suggested he might be depressed.

My husband is a psychologist with the Veterans Administration . V.A. services are available in most states for mental health issues  or changes in health status . Please pass this along .

V.A. Supporter

Dear Supporter,

Thank you for reminding those readers who have served in the military that the V.A. (va.gov) can provide psychological as well as medical counsel .

Maxy