I read the letter from "A Concerned Daughter and Mom -to-Be .'' You could be very helpful in reducing stigmas about brain disorders by gently reminding readers that her mother isn't bipolar , but has a bipolar disorder --- just as we wouldn't say that someone is cancer , but has cancer .
My neuro-psychiartist friends are now using the term "brain disorder" because the latter perpetuates the notion that's it's not a physical illness . But the brain is also part of the body . Thank you .
M.
Dear M. ,
You made some excellent points . Often , I can change perception by changing terminology . I will try to keep your suggestions in mind for future columns .
Maxy
Due to financial problems , my husband and I recently had to move into my in-laws' home . Not a day goes by that I am not chastised or put down for the choices that led us to this situation . My ''frivolous spending habits" seem to be the sole reason we are here . They totally disregard the illness that kept their son from working , his alcoholism and his gambling . Those subjects never come up . I took out loans to pay rent when he couldn't work and am still paying those off .
My mother-in-law treats me like a child . My three teenage children have started telling her the things they used to tell me . My feelings are so hurt . When my husband lost his job , our insurance went with it , so I can no longer see my psychiatist . I am disabled and would have a hard time leaving . I have no one to turn to . What can I do ?
Mississippi
Dear Mississippi ,
You don't need me to tell you that you should get out of that toxic environment as soon as possible . Have you spoken to your husband about this ? He needs to stand up for you and make sure his parents treat you with more respect .
But you also might enlist your in-laws' assistance in dealing with their son's issues . Don't make accusations or act defensively . Simply say , "I so appreicate your taking us in during this difficult time . How do you think we can get "Joe" to stop gambling and drinking ? It's eating into our finances , and I could use your advice . What do you suggest ? They may not be helpful , but at least you will have brought up the important subjects that everyone seems unwilling to discuss and laid them out. Try to maintain your calm and cool and get help for yourself. You can't fix anything else until you fix yourself.
You can contact Gam-Anon (gam-anon.org) and Al-anon (al-anon.alateen.org) for yourself and your kids . Then look into free or low cost housing through local churches , graduate school counseling departments , medical school psychology departments , United Way , the YWCA , the YMCA , the Samaritan Institute (samaritaninsititute.org) , Nami (nami.org) and support groups such as the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance (dbsalliance.org) and Recovery International ( lowselfhelpsystems.org )
If you need more helpful contacts...get back to me.
Maxy
A friend of mine is known as someone who always flakes on plans . She cancels , forgets or is late , and she seems to think the world is waiting for her most of the time . However , when someone cancels plans with her , she badmouths them and expects everyone's else sympathy . Is there any way to show her she exasperates us the same way when she bails on plans ?
It Works Both Ways
Dear It Works Both Ways ,
When people behaave unconsciously , they typically do things like your friend . Her lack of awareness of how her actions affect others reflects her disconnection to how she feels when others aren't as sensitive to her . She needs tto open her eyes .
This may require that you and your friends call her on her behavior every time . That means that you tell her that if she doesn't show up on time or at all for your next agreed-upon meeting , you won't be agreeing to meet her anymore . This may prompt an emotional reaction from her , which could be perfect because it may open the door to an honest conversation .
Maxy
I am 18 , and I baby-sit frequently . Whenever certain parents text me , they use sterotypical "text speak" like "LMK" or "2NITE" or "GRT" --- I cannot even understand it ! It is incredibly informal , and I have never communicated with them using and slang or lingo . Are they trying to relate to me by texting me this way ? Should I continue to decipher , or is there a polite way to tell them I will understand if they message me normally?
Bridging the Gap
Dear Bridging The Gap ,
I can see these parents are working over-time to attempt to be hip and cool . Yes , you are the one to address this . Be polite and sensitive because they are making an effort to talk to you in the way they believe you communicate, with text messaging . Tell them that you have noticed that they often use abbreviations when they are texting you and you don't always know what these acronyms mean . Ask them to please write to you in simple language . That way , you will not run the risk of wrongly interpreting their directions or misunderstanding the communication . When you don't understand a text from them always ask for clarification .
Maxy
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