Ask Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
In the past year , my mom has lost many of  her childhood  friends .
One lady died  of  cancer  and then her husband  died  a few  months  later . He had  been sick for  years . A woman  from my mom's  church had a heart attack . Then one of her  high school friends  had a  car accident . The list goes on . I know  we should  expect  to hear of  deaths  , given their  ages  ... my mom is  86  , for heaven's sake  ... but it  doesn't make it  any easier  to know that they  are old . How  can I cheer  up  my mom ? She is healthy  and I'm worried  she  will get depressed .
Mom Booster
Dear Booster Mom ,
One tremendous  difficulty in growing  old  is seeing  your  loved ones  pass . Though  inevitable , it is  still hard  to experience . To help your  mother , keep her  active . If  you have children  , make sure  she spends  time  with them . Get her involved  in a senior  center  that includes  exercise  and activity . Help her  design  her days  so that  she is  busy  with  fun experiences .
Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
I've  been in an abusive  marriage  for nearly 15 years  and I can't take another  day  My husband  has  never  hit me . It's all mental  and emotional abuse . He  calls  me  horrible  names in front  of  our  children . He  has constant  tantrums  where  he screams  , throws  things  and threatens me , saying if  I leave  , he'll kill me , destroy my life  and take our  children  away . I have no access to money  and he has driven all my  friends away .
I have nowhere to go  . There are no shelters  in my rural area   and I'm scared of what he  may do  when I leave . However , I'm determined  . I've written  him a long  letter  explaining  why and promising  That I don't  want any money  from him  so he doesn't have to worry  about that . And I plan to give this letter to him  . I don't want to be sneaky  and leave the letter  and walk out the door  . But I am  afraid .
I don't  have anyone to discuss these things with . My mother said  she don't want to hear it  and it was my problem .  Please  help .
Too Scared to Leave
Dear  Too Scared ,
Please  do not do anything  rash . Before you leave  , you need to have  your  next step planned  and ready ,  whether  it is  finding  a shelter  , staying  with friends  or  relatives  , or  leaving town . It would be unwise  to hand  your  abusive husband  a letter  and walk out the  door . I know  you want  to do the  honorable thing  , but  your safety is more important  right now .
I urge you  to call the National  Domestc Violence  Hotline  ( thehotline.org )  at 1-800-799-SAFE . Someone there  will  guide  you theough the  process.
Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
My husband and I are retired  and live in upstate  New York  with our  son  and his  family . Our  son broke  his back and neck in an accident . He has  recovered , but now is addicted  to pain medication .
He has  no insurance . Is there any way  to get him  the help he  needs  to be a functioning adult  again ? He would give anything  to be better  , but  can't afford treatment .
Desperately Concerned  Mom
Dear Mom ,
This must be a terribly difficult situation  for everyone  , but the fact  that your your  son wants  to get better is encouraging . Please  look into state-funded  drug  and alcohol rehab centers  through the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services  Administration at (  findtreatment.samhsa.gov ) or  call their  treatment  referral line  at 1-800-662-HELP . I'll be thinking of  you .
Maxy