1 . Don’t try to "save" your calories for the big event, which can lead to overeating and less likely healthy choices.
2 . Use portion control. If you want to try everything on the menu, make sure you get an extra small portion.
3 . Grilled vegetables help us feel full without a lot of calories. Eat fresh fruit for dessert.
4. Choose lean proteins.
5 . Use whole-wheat buns for burgers, reduce the amount of mayonnaise you use in potato salad, and add herbs and spices to flavor foods instead of salt.
"If you don't understand how a woman could both love her sister dearly and want to wring her neck at the same time, then you were probably an only child."
If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on their shoulders.
If you go to bed at night and think about your day and you haven't laughed very much, then you must jump out of bed and go do something fun.
I must be getting absent-minded. Whenever I complain that things aren't what they used to be, I always forget to include myself.
Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.
When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy. (Your friends love you, anyway!)
Dad,
ReplyDeleteYou are getting so good at this ... You changed the heading on your post to July is picnic month ... now that was clever thinking .
I love you dearly .
Your only daughter
My dear Daughter ,
ReplyDeleteI am trying to help as much as I can (laughing my butt off).
I did so change the heading because it's after July 4th , and it is when most people take vacations and go on picnics , so the heading seem to right for the occasion , do you not think so ?
Your loving Dad
Dear HB,
ReplyDeleteI would like to offer you a permanent and very lucrative position with our franchise... All the sweets you can hold from Witchy and endless cyber hugs from the Genie. Please consider our offer and contact my lamp or Witchy's cyber broomstick.
Yours truly
My dear Lady,
ReplyDeleteThe position sounds nice and it will be considered . One thing before we sat down at the able to shake hands on this deal . I am a meat and potato or pasta guy . I also like hot bread and gumbo . I like long vacations and short hours and a 2-day work week . I will only do or say what I like and I will have the last word .
Have you offered this permanent and lucrative job to others ? If you are speaking of this wise cracking Witchy here , Lady she has me on bread and water .
I am also wondering why you do not have any help . My sister needs a job , maybe she and I can work on this together . My son also needs a job . You know anyone else you can ask to pitch in . (laughing my butt off)
Yours truly
Dear HB,
ReplyDeleteYour conditions sound very reasonable...all except that 'last word' thing. I like to reserve that for myself.
Yes, we have applicants lined up around the block...or the blog. We selected you from hundreds. Your sister's contribution would be most welcome. She is an intelligent lady with a good sense of humor, just what we need. Your son is much too humble for our consideration.
I would have a word with the witch about your diet restrictions but she is always off on her new turbo charged broom. Thank you for your prompt response.
Yours truly
My dear Lady,
ReplyDeleteMy sister says only if you have men working there would she consider the offer .
Is that what I hear zooming overhead the witch on her turbo charged broom . Reserve all you want my lady , you turn your heard or blink your eye , my sidekick and I will have it and gone .
I warn you in advance , my hours have to be short and sweet , I was offered a job on the white thing with red writing . (laughing my butt off).
A word if I may , please do not hire my sister , she is worst than the Witchy gal and more bossy because she has been around the block a time or two . You will have to pay more because my buddy Harvey will be helping me and he like to eat also .
Do you need my resume ? Just asking , I do not have one , I come as is .
Yours Truly
Dear sir,
ReplyDeleteIf we can entice your sister to our organization, we will certainly provide her with a boy toy, any size, shape or endowments she wishes. Experience tells me that no one is bossier than the witch. ( That is the witch you hear flying overhead. She sounds like a jet and she leaves a white trail behind her )
Your hours will definitely be sweet and well rewarded. The white thing can't offer you the compensation that we can and we will top any offer they make. Unfortunately, sidekicks are not allowed (company policy ). You do not need a resume`, your reputation precedes you.
Yours Truly
Myra Tuffbich
Vice President
Myra Tuffbich,
ReplyDeleteYou do so misunderstand me and my demands , as stated , I work on my terms and that Ms. Tuffbich calls for my sidekick . I was told my demands was reasonable except for the 'last word' thing .
I was promise all the sweets and cybers hugs for payments from the Witchy and Genie and now Ms. Tuffbich you want to change it . I will only shake on a job with the head lady or man that offered the job and that was the one that signed off as 'Yours Truly' not with someone that can not spell her name correctly (Tuffbich) lady you forgot the 'T' between the I and c (laughing my butt off ) .
I have learn about ladies like you , my son deals with one tuffbich everyday , matter-of-fact he is married to her and that is not just whispering 'Dixie' , sometime she makes his hair stand on ends , now that is a tuffbich , is it not so Ms. Tuffbich .
Yours Truly
PS: I may just shoot you with my big 'Gun.'
Dear sir,
ReplyDeleteOur apologies if our VP offended you in any way. She is a little harsh, but her concern is always, first and foremost, for our company. Naturally, we will address all your demands. You are our biggest investor and most valuable employee. In fact you are our only employee.
I, personally, would be happy to accommodate you in any way I can: bring you food, stroke your brow, load your gun.
Unfortunately we have only one cubilcle and one desk available. Your side kick will have to conduct business from a cubicle in the men's washroom. I hope this clears up any misunderstanding.
Yours truly
I.M.A. Pushova
HR Manager
I.M.A Pushova ,
ReplyDeleteThere sure s a lot of people in charge giving orders and no employees to work this dang company . Just a thought , maybe you should give Ms. Tuffbich the cubicle in the men's washroom and my sidekick her desk , he can at most part spell his name .(laughing my butt off).
I have spoken with at least 3 in charge people and you tell me ou have no employees to work , maybe you should get that dang with off her turbo broom and that dang genie out her bottle and have them do some work (laughing holding my gun ) Ms. I.M.A Pushova , I only wear my favorite speedos to work . When would you like for my sidekick and I to start work , I will furnish his chair and another thing I have another helper , his name is Mini G . and we come as a package , I must warn you Ms. Pushova , I come with a lot of baggage , you take all or none , so you can see why I do not come cheap .
Yours Truly
The man with the upper hand HB
PS: To know me is to love me do you not think so . Do not forget , I will only deal with the head hunchos .
Dear Upper Hand HB,
ReplyDeleteWe have a dress code here at WitchyGenie Inc....You must wear pants at all times except on 'Casual Fridays', when most of our people come to work naked. Sadly Ms Tuffbich was let go. We had too many sexual harassment complaints against her. The male employees at WitchyGenie Inc became too frightened to come to work. She would take two or three of them into her office at a time and wouldn't release them until quitting time. They were so traumatized, we had to send them to a rest home. With proper care, they will recover in time.
This means her office is available to you as soon as we get the trapeze and manacles removed. You will have ample room for your posse and there is a new flat screen TV. We hope this meets your requirements.
The Witch is a little hard to deal with and has turned several of our employees into frogs and one very annoying salesman into a donkey. So in future, we suggest you take all your requests to the Genie, who is very sweet and understanding (and drop dead gorgeous).
Yours truly
Head, head, head honcho,
U. May Biteme
U. May Biteme ,
ReplyDeleteI am having second thoughts , #1 you have no employees #2 you have only 1 cubicle #3 all your staff hold an office of running the business , 2 many chiefs and not enough Indians is it not so .
Your company sounds like it runs on the seat of its pants , you need a man , I mean a real man or lady to set the rules and that would be me .
Now Ms Head head head Honcho , I will not and that is NOT take my requests to your Genie boss , none will I deal with this Witch chick , (the witch is always charging round on her turbo broom) so I was told . Now for this Genie gal , gorgeous she may be , but tell me dear lady , do she have a soft and cuddly honeypot , I can always put a paper bag over an ugly chick head (laughing my butt off) . Last but not least , what do you expect me to do , inquiring minds want to know . I am an old man and set in my ways .
Thank you Kindly
Dear HB
ReplyDeleteSir, I think you will enjoy working with us. In fact, I took a vote with myself and unanimously voted to make you our new CEO. You are right, we need some organization and a big, strong, good looking guy to run the place. I am resigning my position and leaving tomorrow for the Laurentian Mountains in Quebec, to go to my favorite resort, Honeypot Lodge. Just the place for some rest, relaxation and private stimulation. Perhaps I will see you there. If not, we shall meet again, some day, somewhere.
Yours truly
Head, head, head, head, head honcho,
O.I. Lostmapants